TYPE OF RELATIONSHIPS
A certain MARRIED
WOMAN contacted me last night seeking how to get over depression and
suicidal thoughts because the HUSBAND was cheating. One of the things I told her during our counseling sessions that really got to her was, “the type of dating you get into and the type
of relationship you initiate determine the type of Marriage you may likely end
in: good or bad”
I have discovered that every serious marriage issue will always be traced back to the type of relationship initiated from the onset, hence the reason for this article.
People always ask
me, “Louis,
what type of relationship lasts long” and here is my consistent response, “Any relationship can last long even the bad ones. It all balls down to three factors” Fortunately,
I have mentioned these factors in this article.
This post is
greatly hinged on making an exposition on the different types of relationship
that exist between people of the opposite sex and how they can be leveraged for our benefits.
If your intention is
to become married or build a solid relationship foundation before marriage,
then there is a type of relationship you
have to consider.
You might also want
to check out 21st century
types of dating that are right as well as those that are ruining lives. This is so important
because at the root of every fully-fledged, successful relationship is successful
dating.
Here are the
outlines….
1. What
are the types of relationships?
1.1
Types
of relationship you shouldn’t venture into.
1.2
Types
of relationship you should Venture into
2.
What
type of relationship lasts longest?
3.
Do
intense relationships last?
TYPES OF RELATIONSHIP YOU SHOUDN’T VENTURE INTO
Many relationship
types are bad. Some people are like human parasites, the moment you identify with
them, the quality of your life begins to depreciate. You begin to veer toward
the negative side of life. Others are symbiotic. You benefit from them as much
as they benefit from you, whether it’s a romantic relationship or a casual one.
Here are a few types
of relationships I wouldn’t even wish MY HATERS to get into. They may likely end
earlier than expected.
- ACIDIC
OR TOXIC RELATIONSHIP: When you splash a glass of acid
on someone, it is damaging and the effect is deteriorating. I can understand that there can be ups and
downs in a relationship, but anyone where the downs of consistent abuse and
battering are too much and for no tangible reason, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.
- LIGHTS
OFF RELATIONSHIP: You are not secure when you are in a
relationship where nobody knows about it. It is risky. A dangerous event like
pregnancy, STD, Battering, and even death can occur leaving no clue for
relatives, friends or the appropriate authority on how to manage the situation.
- PARASITIC
RELATIONSHIP: Even in marriage, no one should be a
parasite. The boundaries of dependency and acceptance of total responsibility should
be defined.
- PERSUASIVE RELATIONSHIP: Most
people don’t want any relationship at a certain point in their life. However,
the need to belong or persuasions from parents and friends force them to. Detect such people and run away.
- “I
MUST” RELATIONSHIP: Instead of genuine love and personal
willingness, many things push people into a relationship these days: Desperation
for marriage, money, social status, pressure by parents and class.
- MILITARY
RELATIONSHIP: Being with someone who abuses
authority or power is like hell on earth. Such a person decides everything you
do and how you MUST do them with no regard for how you feel. They decide
where you go, the cloth you wear, how you act, what you say, what you must do
with your money and who you give to. It
is also called a domineering relationship.
- OVER
INDEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP: This type of relationship
shares a boundary between good and bad. Some level of independence is acceptable,
but when it is overly done, it becomes bad. Men want women who can make them
feel like the man they are. They want to be in charge, so show some level of
dependence.
- OVER
DEPENDENCE RELATIONSHIP: This is the opposite of the “OVER
INDEPENDENCE” Relationship type. Even
though most people want to have a sense of responsibility for others, they don’t
want you to bug them with your insatiable demands.
- LABORATORY
RELATIONSHIP: A
lab is where tests and experiments are conducted and explorations are made.
Some people are like this. They don’t care about your feelings. They only want
to have a taste of what relationship is like. Unfortunately, you are the scapegoat.
- GRIEF-DRIVEN
RELATIONSHIP: Have you heard the statement “ I’m
sorry I broke up with you. I never loved you. I was only using you to forget
about my past relationship” Sometimes when people can’t get over their Ex.,
they use others as a way to assuage such feelings of intense hurt and disappointment.
- URGE-DRIVEN
RELATIONSHIP: This type of relationship is also
called “ sex-driven” relationship. People have relationships with others just to have diverse sexual
experiences. They are seeking just one thing—to quench their insatiable
sexual urge. Sex before marriage is a very grievous offense. It can damage an
entire destiny.
- INFERIORITY-BASED
RELATIONSHIP: When someone doesn’t feel affirmed,
esteemed, valued and respected, they fall head-over-heels in love with anyone
who does these things to them. At that point, it becomes difficult to separate
genuine love and infatuation. They only need you to compensate for their
feeling of inferiority and vulnerability.
- FANTASY-INSPIRED
RELATIONSHIP: For some reason, people already
have an idea of who they want in life and the funs they want to have with such
a person. When they finally meet that unfortunate person, meeting the demands
of their fantasies becomes their primary goal and not the person.
- FIRST
SIGHT RELATIONSHIP: If someone who is seeing you for the
first time comes to you to profess love, just run. Though his mouth is professing love, his
heart professes infatuation. You can
like at first sight, but you cant love at first sight. Love is gradual. Likeness
can be instant.
- LONG
DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP: No two people should wish to have
a long-distance love life. I know that, now and then, circumstances can warrant
such, but it is not an exciting experience at all. The essence of a relationship is to know each
other and decide if there is going to be a future. How can you achieve this if
you are situated away from each other?
- ROLLERCOASTER
RELATIONSHIP: This is the “love today” and “hate
tomorrow” type of relationship. The parties involved are so much in love with
each other but same time can’t seem to stand each other. Incompatibility is the
prime reason for the misunderstandings that exist among them, which proves that
LOVE is not enough.
- FRIENDS
WITH BENEFITS RELATIONSHIP: A type of relationship where
no string is attached. Both parties
mutually agree on having fun and enjoying each other’s company sexually and
otherwise.
- OPEN
RELATIONSHIP: What gain can you derive from being in a
relationship with someone who consents to your desire to have sex with others? He uses you, others are using you, who will marry you or want something
serious with you? Don’t be in this kind of relationship especially if you are a
woman.
TYPES OF RELATIONSHIP YOU SHOULD VENTURE INTO
These relationship
types are advisable. They are not focused on personal gains but mutual benefits.
It is the win-win type where even if things don’t go as planned, the parties
involved go their separate ways with some level of fulfillment and excitement.
If I were to tender
my unsolicited advice, I would suggest that you first begin a relationship with
little or no emotional involvement, then when you are convinced about a person’s
intentions, you can intensify things a bit.
- MUTUALLY
DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP: This is a non-parasitic type of
relationship. Here, both parties mutually want to help each other genuinely. In
a relationship like this, if done rightly, a partner’s mentality or unhealthy outlook
in life can change for good by the other partner. I have seen someone who dated
a prostitute and changed her. I also know of a woman who made a meaningful life
out of an armed robber.
- MUTUALLY
MATURE RELATIONSHIP: A relationship where the parties are
not judgmental and don’t set rigid expectations. They don’t act jealously
but understand how to set and maintain boundaries. They mutually respect each other's feelings and maintain a safe distance if the need be.
- FRIENDLY
RELATIONSHIP: This is an unemotionally attached
type. They feel a great liking for each other and that’s it. Nothing more. They
like each other’s company and can have all the fun together.
- ANTI-SEX RELATIONSHIP: This is like the “FRIENDLY” relationship type.
The only difference is that emotions are involved here. That is, the two people
deeply love or have affection for each other, but are committed not to be
involved romantically or sexually.
- SACRIFICIAL RELATIONSHIP: If
you are with anyone who can stick out his or her neck to make you happy no
matter what, then you are in a sacrificial relationship. Emotion or no emotion,
deep liking, and genuine love, serve as the basis for such sacrifices.
- "LIGHTS
ON" RELATIONSHIP: This is not the “lights off” kind of
relationship where you don’t want anyone to know about your affair. In this
type, people are in the know, which gives some sense of security and trust.
WHAT TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP LASTS LONGER?
Many types of
relationships can last even those negative ones I strictly advised
against. For instance, I have seen a
TOXIC emotional relationship that lingered for over 12 years and finally culminated in marriage. Now
the lady is regretting it.
The question of
relationship longevity is based on 3 FACTORS: Genuine love, mutual understanding, and personality.
Some people have a very
rigid personality, no matter what happens, they are willing to endure.
In all of these, if
you know HOW TO FIND THE RIGHT PERSON,
you wouldn’t have to go through all the stress of torture and endurance.
DO INTENSE RELATIONSHIPS LAST LONG?
Different types of
relationships exist. From family to the workplace, down to the church, and in our
daily activities with one another. We have in one way or the other related to people but with different levels
of intensity and affection.
An intense relationship
may or may not last. The reason being that a deep feeling of affection does not guarantee a lasting
relationship. This is why it is not
advisable to invest your emotions early in a relationship. You have to genuinely
know one's true intention before intensifying a relationship and building
massive affections.
CONCLUSION
Depending on the
relationship type we want and the character or personality of the one we meet, our
relationship can last or suffocate. Some may end harmoniously, while others,
badly.
Bear in mind that
high moral values and integrity win the best candidate for any kind of
relationship.
Everyone Loves Good
Character and can go to any extent to be with those who have it.
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