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Monday, March 28, 2022

11 Bold But Loving Ways To Deal With In-laws Who Hate You

How To Deal with In-Laws Who Hate You

  “You want to learn how to deal with in-laws who hate you?”    

The hardest part in handling the whole marriage drama is when you know that you are not liked but rather hated by your in-laws.

difficult in-laws who hate you

The most annoying thing is you still have to stay with these in-laws who hate you and face the heat on a daily basis.   

I know what it feels like if you’re completely abandoned by your in-laws.    

Being aware of the significance of mental health, I want all women to realize that nothing is as important as their mental peace.  I could understand the depression women go through in their attempt to fit in and get accepted by their new families.    

Trying to "fit in” is the biggest challenge in all relationships. Especially when it comes to dealing with your in-laws moving in.  

How Do You Tell If Your In-laws don't Like You?

Sometimes, love can be misinterpreted as hate. For instance, a mother-in-law can nag about a particular thing that is obviously in the best interest of your marriage. If care is not taken, you could misinterpret it that she hates you, when in fact, her intention is genuine.    

But how can you tell for sure, your mother-in-law hates you? 

Whenever you notice these, it could be that she hates you.

  1. When she sees everything wrong in all you do.
  2. If she manipulates your husband against you.
  3. She emotionally blackmails your husband.
  4. She lies about you and accuses you falsely.

How To Deal With In-Laws Who Hate You?

A sour relationship with in-laws dampens the overall peace and atmosphere of the house and family members. It is true that life takes a sudden change after marriage. A negative change, however, becomes a nightmare for most people. In spite of how we try hard to put in our best at pleasing our in-laws, they judge us, criticize us and disrespect us.  

   It could become a very painful experience if you let the feelings of hatred affect your mind. Your mental health could be ruined as a result. Don't allow The urge of getting accepted and loved to take a toll on you.   

I want to show you how you can learn how to deal with in-laws who hate you and nullify the mental stress caused by their willful hatred.   

Below are some basic mindfulness practices that you can apply daily. Whatever situation you find yourself in, maintaining a joyful and peaceful environment around you is one of the most important roles you have to play as a wife.    

The practices mentioned below will help any married couple stay positive and focused even in the worst situations triggered by in-laws.

1. Be you 
2. Maintain balance 
3. Bond with your spouse 
4. Keep a Safe distance 
5. Don’t impose yourself  
6. Be assertive 
7. Stop Trying To please them 
8. Act like they are not your  life 
9. Discharge your duty 
10. Be grateful 
11. Draw Help From above    

1. Be You 

The first way to deal with in-laws who hate you is to be yourself. 

Oftentimes, we become too submissive right from the beginning due to the pressure saddled by family values, image, pedigree and background.   

Once you enter the premises of a new family, you need to decrease your expectation and continually be yourself. I notice that new brides force themselves too much so that they can gain the love and respect they deserve from their in-laws. When they're not given love,  they get frustrated and unhappy.   

You should continue to be yourself just as you were in your family before you got married. If you were loved by your family members the way you are and your partner loves you that way, don't try to change just to please your in-laws. Your in-laws may take more time to sync with your person, but they will gradually understand your nature.  

 No matter what happens, always learn to love yourself and be the person you love.  

2. Maintain Balance   

It is pretty hard to regain consciousness after the constant hateful words you hear from your in-laws, but taking intentional steps to regain and maintain emotional stability and balance is very pertinent for your peace of mind.    

Whether it is from a mother-in-law, a biased sister in law or a controlling father in law,  you cannot let their actions affect your mental state.    

Those unpleasant words may put you under deep stress, and once you lose your balance, you will lose your mental stability. Before you enter the " circle of stress," ensure you regain balance. If you don't regain balance and clear your head, you may react unbecomingly due to accumulated anger. This is why you must release your anger before you take another pill of harsh words.    

3. Bond With Your Spouse  
In-laws who hate you

Your partner is the most common reason for all the harsh behaviour you receive on a daily basis. In-laws especially, mothers-in-law find it hard to accept the reality that their son is now another woman's sweetheart.    

They are not ready to accept the sudden change in priorities, adjustments and values, thinking they will lose their son to another woman. A sort of competitive mentality, right?   

This is the reason you have to bond with your spouse. Let him know everything that's happening, including the antagonistic treatments you receive from inlaws and seek his presence whenever you have to confront any unpleasant situation. This is not to ask him to fight for you but to at least witness things himself. To deal with in-laws who hate you, your partner must not be in oblivion.   

4. Keep A Safe  Distance  

It is wise to avoid situations that we know might get us hurt.    

It is this same logic and wisdom we apply in our daily life while living with in-laws who make life unbearable for us: those who are unwilling to change their attitude toward us. We have to keep a safe distance from toxic in-laws who do not care about our space and intrude with their arrogance.   

Boundary creation is important. Don't cross the line and step into your in-laws' sensitive area. Maintaining distance will keep you away from getting severely hurt and keeping you from getting stressed, and traumatized over things beyond your control.

  1. Don’t Impose Yourself
  Sometimes your inlaws can hate you for no reason but out of personal choice born by sentiments. It has nothing to do with you. This is why you must learn how to deal with and manage them.   

All things being equal, you are not responsible for your inlaws' harsh behaviour towards you until you try to make an imposition on them, hence you should never impose yourself on them. If They hate you for no valid reason,  they will never buy into your ideas, and suggestions anyway.   

6. Be Assertive   

Wicked In-laws are gifted manipulators. They know how to manipulate a situation in their favour even when they are in the wrong.  They might say something harsh on your face and convincingly deny it in front of other members of the family.   

Such circumstances are very undermining. They increase the distance even more, hence souring the family bonding further.   

The scars of the bad words might inundate your mind but don’t allow them to play with your mind. Be assertive in your dealings with your in-laws. Stand strong on your opinions, decisions and thoughts, especially when you know you are right. Be assertive even when you have to stand alone.  

  1. Stop Trying To Please Them 
  Some married women have been advised that they should learn to pamper their mother-in-law’s ego before they can win their hearts forever. This is true.

    Instead of wasting the whole duration of your marriage, mending things, making her happy, pleasing her, appreciating her, gifting her pieces of stuff, learn to massage her ego.   

This is called social conditioning. It conditions your in-laws' mentality to think healthy of you in a certain way. Don't try to please them. Instead, try to make them feel important and appreciated.   

8. They Are Not Your Life   

To stay emotionally and mentally stable, understand that your in-laws are a part of your life. They are not your life. You have a life so make something meaningful out of it, instead of staying idle and receiving all the hate they throw at you on a daily basis.    

Life is like a slate. It gives you every opportunity to write anything you wish on it. How you turn into a better version of yourself despite all the in-laws' ranting you hear daily is up to you. Don't let your inlaws write garbage on the slate of your life.    

Every family member should be highly regarded but when the inlaws fail to regard and esteem one person in the family, especially for no reason, then you need to draw a boundary line. Then, focus on investing meaning into your life.  By so doing, you can get over their irritable behaviour.  

  1. Discharge Your Duties
When we get married, there are some responsibilities or duties we owe to our in-laws. Don't fail to discharge them even if these inlaws displease you. For instance, if you have to cook, don't only cook for your favourite inlaws. Cook for everyone.   

There is nothing like paying hate with love. It is proven to have melted the hardest of hearts and dissolved the strongest of hate toward one. 

  1. Be Grateful
  No matter the situation you find yourself in, always look on the bright side. There is something good in your situation you might lay  hands on to be grateful for.  You might suffer a lot due to the hateful behaviour of your in-laws, but you still have something to be grateful for. Identify that thing and be happy and grateful for it.   

Your husband, your children, your career, your parents, your childhood friend, or anything worth being happy about. Look out for them.    

Also, things like your passion, a hobby, a hidden talent, a desire, should be a source of pleasure. No matter what, never allow even a single word of hatred to steal your inner peace from you.

  1. Draw Help From Above
  Some inlaws are diabolical. I have seen many people who have suffered spiritual and physical affliction from cruel inlaws whose hatred has gone overboard. This is one of such cases where no man can help you, not even your husband. You need God to defeat this kind of onslaught.   

In fact, God is the ultimate helper. He alone can help you through the other points I have mentioned above.  

How to Maintain A Constant Positive Attitude With Inlaws That Hate You?

how to manage in-laws you hate

God blessed women with a distinct quality. This quality is called ENDURANCE. This is to constantly keep women afloat, even in the face of challenges. Only a few men have this quality. This is why a woman can be involved in multiple tasks and she's not angry. She could be washing the dishes, cooking the meals, mopping the floor and changing a baby's diapers happily and fulfilled.    

There are different ways you can deal with your in-laws and still maintain a positive composure.   

First, understand that there are three situations about life in general. There are those we can control, those we can't control and those others can control on our behalf. The first step to maintaining a good attitude while dealing with inlaws that hate you is to make up your mind to endure the things you can't change. Let your partner do the ones he can, and leave the rest to God.    

DEALING WITH HATEFUL IN-LAWS: Reasons Your In-laws May Hate You

before you deal with in-laws who hate you, you must first know the reason(s) for their hatred. 

Below are some possible reasons why your in-laws hate you:  

  1. Cultural diversity
  One major problem inlaws ( Daughter in law, son inlaws, father inlaws and mother in law) need to unbiasedly sit and address is the issue of cultural differences. Inlaws have to sit together and try to know themselves, putting aside their judgmental mentality.          

 2. Insecurity in mothers'-in-law  

"Who are you? Do you think because you are married to my son you have the right to do as you please?" This is a sign of insecurity. 

Another sign is when a mother-in-law keeps visiting all the time. They feel you have taken their sweetheart away. This is even worse when they have a deep connection and strong bonding with their son. She wouldn't want to play a second fiddle to any other woman.           

 3. Religious Differences 

 Religious nations have much to worry about this. In most families, people who are in love are not allowed to marry for religious diversity reasons. However, lovers who get married against all odds will suffer persecution from their respective inlaws.           

4. Competition For Who Will Be In Charge  

This is one thing with mothers-in-law. They always want to protect their house and what belongs to them. Mothers-in-law feel they should always be in charge so they do all they can to stop everyone, especially daughters-in-law who would dare stand in their way. With this thinking, they wrongly perceive that a new woman called "daughter-in-law" will enter and take control. They fear she would snatch their position and try to dominate the family.    

It is because of this fear that mothers-in-law retaliate or overreact to something that's not even an issue, just to protect their position and respect in the family. They treat a newly married wife like a worthless entity because they see her as a strong competitor.  

Should You Hate Your In-laws Because They Hate You?

  This is the most ridiculous thing to do.    Retaliating with hate will only mess things up even more and spread a lot of negative energy around you. You won't find the peace and rest you deserve. Instead,  you will do all you do with negative emotions.    

My candid advice is to maintain a consistently positive attitude and play your love role towards them, even if they do the opposite to you.     

If you are still contemplating how to deal with in-laws who hate you, I would require that you give your relationship with your in-laws some time and remain positive under every circumstance.   

 To avoid the feeling of hatred towards your inlaws, keep a safe distance so you don’t have to frequently see any reasons to hate them.  


How Do You Deal With In-laws You Hate?

  Just above, we have seen how to deal with inlaws that don't like you. Here, let's find out easy ways to deal with in-laws you hate.   

As we've seen earlier, In marriage, everyone must cultivate a special skill of dealing with inlaws, whether the ones that dislike and disrespect you or the ones you dislike and are not willing to submit to.   

The following tips will help you manage inlaws you hate without hassle.  

  1. Try not to hate them: Everyone deals with inlaws' problems regardless of how perfect your marriage seems. You can't say you have succeeded in dealing with hate-worthy inlaws if you retaliate with hate. Love them instead, but be wise. Trust only those that deserve it. 
  2. Find the sweet spot: if you hate someone, it's for a reason. When your inlaws stay with you, you're going to have every reason to hate some of them. Don't pay attention to these reasons. Instead, focus on their strength. You just might find a reason to like them and deal with them in a positive manner.
  3. Spend quality time: If God wants to teach you to Love unlovable people, He will intentionally bring you close to them. 
  4. Don't Spill: in your journey of dealing with bad inlaws you feel hate for,  don't ever make the mistake of saying you hate them to their face. Even if your reasons for hating them are justified, don't. In the long run, when things become Rosey, they'll find it hard to trust your confession of love to them. Don't spill it out!

       Can In-Laws Ruin A Marriage?

  There are many In-laws who have ruined many marriages. This is not to say that all inlaws act this way.    

I believe that 6 out of every 10 inlaws have the propensity to damage their children's marriages beyond repair. Their weapon mainly is manipulation and emotional blackmail. This is why, if you are a young newly wedded woman, one tool you must carry along with you into marriage is the art of dealing with manipulative inlaws. You must be battle-ready to deal with crazy and mean inlaws in a Positive and wise manner.  

How Do You Ignore In-Laws?

  If you notice, I'm a preacher of love and not hate. So, don't ignore your in-laws, but manage them until they align.   

However, when inlaws become evil and difficult, you have to learn to ignore and avoid them.    

But how do you ignore them?  
  1. Give them their space
  2. Don't interfere unless they seek your opinion
  3. Overlook their verbal attack. After all, talk is cheap. 
  4. Understand that ignoring is not enmity. Talk with them if the need be. Answer their enquiries or questions. You don't ignore or overcome difficult in-laws who hate you through enmity. You deal with in-laws who hate you without any sense of enmity. 


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