You are still asking, “Why do I need these dating tips to find the right person?” Here is why.
When everything looks like it is falling in place like the world is revolving around you, all of a sudden BOOOOM! The shock of your life, “I don’t think I can continue with this relationship anymore. I can’t be able to make you the happy person you deserve to be. I’m sorry that I can’t be the right partner for you."
Maybe you have gone through this phase in life where
you got your heart shattered, or maybe your relationship life is now a dilemma;
you don’t know whether you should say yes or no because you are probably still
confused about finding that one person that will complement you. At this point,
you may be tempted to press the pause button of your relationship life. Don’t
do it. That will only reveal how weak and less of a fighter you are. You are welcome to the best dating advice anyone can ask for.
Do you desire to be in the kind of relationship you fantasize about? Are
you tired of heartbreaks and disappointments in a relationship? I believe you can
still push to achieve your relationship dreams if you follow these 5
untapped, powerful, but vastly neglected dating tips I have enlisted below. But before that, let’s see some of the myths and
hindrances to finding the love of your life.
HINDRANCES TO FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON
Before we log into a few dating tips for finding the right
person, you have to free yourself from those obstacles that may hinder your
chances of finding one.
Some of the common obstacles are;
A. Erroneous Myth About Dating And Relationships
When you are faced with the challenge of finding a love
connection, or the right person, it becomes easy to get discouraged and start
believing the caustic myths out there about relationships and dating.
Myth Number 1: I have to feel an instant attraction to
someone before the relationship can work.
Truth: You can’t mix sexual attractions with
lasting love and relationship. Emotions will always change, meaning that with
time, love and intimacy will shallow off, but true friendship which is the bedrock
of a relationship deepens and lasts.
Myth Number 2: Because we are in love, I’ll be
able to change the things I dislike about him or her.
Truth: You can’t really change anyone
without his or her own will and permission. Don’t forget that some behaviors are
strong addiction which may leave you building castles in the air in your attempt to
stop them. If you stretch beyond boundaries, you may wreck the relationship.
Myth Number 3: Sex is an expression of true love and true
love is all about emotions.
Truth: Sex is not true love and certainly
cannot be an expression of true love. Sex
is hormone-driven and hormones change every second, meaning that if sex is an
expression of true love, then true love is bound to flicker as well which ought
not to be.
True love also is not emotion. Emotions are also
hormone-driven which as well threatens the stability that true love should
have. In old age, after emotions are gone, and the drive for sex has depleted,
friendship takes the center stage.
Myth Number 4: Relationship is what I need to be
happy and fulfilled.
True: If you derive your sense of happiness and
fulfillment from other people, you will always get heartbroken.
While we can’t dispute that being in a relationship has a
lot of advantages, we can’t also deny the possibility of being self-sufficient
and fulfilled without a relationship. Don’t forget, being alone is not the same
as being lonely. You can be alone, all wrapped up in your own solitude, yet
very happy than people in a relationship. It is better to be alone and be happy
than end up in a dispiriting relationship.
Myth Number 5: Women have different emotions than
men.
Truth: The logicality of men and the emotionality of women
give rise to this myth. The truth is, men and women, feel the same emotions
alike. Both men and women experience the
same emotions such as anger, love, joy, sadness, and fear even though they
express it in different ways.
Myth Number 6: You must always avoid disagreements
to make a relationship last.
Truth: If this is the case, that means
relationships will always fail because there will always be disagreements no
matter how hard you try to avoid them.
Constructive disagreements can strengthen couples while a
destructive one can debilitate the relationship.
Reassessing all these misconception and myths and taking
appropriate corrective measures are the first step to find lasting love.
B. Emotional Bondage
For some people, emotional bondage can make finding the right
partner a near impossible experience. Maybe your past affairs ended up badly
and in your head, you think you can’t
make a relationship last. Or you
were raised in a family where there was no one you could look up to for a solid,
healthy relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists.
With all these past emotional bondage, you stand a chance
of always attracting the wrong people into your life meaning you’ll keep making
the same bad decisions all the time.
With all this emotional baggage, you can’t be able to build a healthy relationship.
WHAT IS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?
A healthy relationship happens when two people who have
developed mutual affections for each
other take a step further to understand that honesty, mutual respect,
communication, trust, support, friendship and fondness, individual differences
and equality is more important.
C. Unreasonably Expectations
One thing people do when setting expectations of their
dream prince or princess charming especially when they are young is to set a
too-high, unrealistic expectations because they think they have all the time to find the right person.
While I am not in any way suggesting that you make a rash relationship decision
due to the limited lifespan we have on earth, you should not also waste your
time by setting dating or relationship expectations that may never come by.
The annoying part is, some of these expectations come from
fictitious movies, parents, or peer groups but never theirs. They are a product of the thought people think for them not the ones they think for themselves.
Clinging on to these unrealistic expectations can make any
potential partner seems inadequate and incompatible.
In case you are still struggling with setting
expectations, being able to separate your “wants”
from your “needs” can help you.
A sharp difference between these two terms is that you
can negotiate wants, but you must never negotiate your needs. Needs are
non-negotiable.
In my early post " the right way to date if you want to be married" I defined those standards one can compromise and those you should never.
WANTS
Occupation, physical looks like weight, height, beauty,
color, intellect, and education fall under "wants". All these are negotiable and it is because even though some of these
attributes seem inevitable to you at the moment, as time goes on, you would
begin to realize that you have been limiting your choices by holding on to such
expectations in this area. You’d realize they are not as important as you
thought.
For instance, in the long run, you may begin to appreciate
care than beauty, emotional satisfaction than wealth
NEEDS
Needs on the other hand are qualities or traits that
matter most to you. They are sets of values, sacred, and highly sacrosanct attributes you
should never tread for love or anything. Things such as values, ambitions,
goals in life, religion, moral values fall under this category.
THE 5 DATING TIPS FOR FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON
Having known the myths and hindrances
underlying dating, it is now time to discover the 5 crucial dating tips to speedily help with finding love or the right person for you.
1. SWITCH ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP YELLOW TRAFFIC LIGHT
What is he talking about? What is relationship yellow traffic light? Well, I am taking a deep sense here.
By now you must have been aware of
relationship red flags which I call “ relationship
red traffic light”. It is the point in a dating relationship where you decide
to go no further due to some really critical behavioral issues exhibited by
your date or partner.
On the other hand relationship, relationship yellow traffic light is all about you. It is not about your date's defective character this time around. it's about yours.
While relationship red traffic light is all about whoever you are going out on a date with, relationship yellow traffic light is all about you. Just as the yellow traffic light is a sign that depicts the readiness of a vehicle to move when the green light is finally triggered, the relationship yellow traffic light asks the question “ How ready are you to move into a relationship?”
In my post “ The right way to date if you want to be married” I stated that, until you adjust your
character for good, you can’t attract the right people to yourself. You
must therefore begin to prepare yourself for whoever is preparing to meet a
person of your type. This is the dating tip that gets you ready before moving
into the next level " PLANT YOURSELF IN THE RIGHT ENVIRONMENT"
2. PLANT YOURSELF IN THE RIGHT ENVIRONMENT
Once you are fully sure you can drive past the green light because you are truly and fully ready, the right environment is where you must drive to if you must find the right person. I call this “the social dating tip.”
Finding the right person has to do with how sociable you are and how right the environment or platform you go to find the right person is.
As a woman, planting yourself in the
right environment does not mean desperation or literally going to tell every
guy you meet that you are available for a relationship. Far from that. It is
rather an opportunity to develop your social skills. Learn to talk moderately,
smile a lot, and laugh when necessary. Doing these will bring that right person
sooner than you think.
One of the cheapest ways to make a new friend and attract a potential life partner is by smiling. It shows how friendly and mature you are.
When you get planted in the right
environment such as going for church activities, birthday parties, wedding ceremonies,
baby showers, House warming parties, music concerts, cinema, voluntarily services,
serving others your God-Given purpose, or going for group dates, you must
understand that there are key things every man wants in a woman and there are also a few key things every woman wants in a man.
3. WATCH OUT FOR RELATIONSHIP RED TRAFFIC LIGHT
Now that you have planted yourself in the right place and
it seems like you are grabbing a lot of attention, this is the only dating tip
that acts as your baseline for comparison. It is your blueprint by which you
match your date’s behavior against a predetermined standard.
Some people call it, the relationship red flag, but I chose to call it the relationship red traffic light or boundary or exit line of relationship.
Take this scenario for instance. If you are trap in
traffic when the red lights are on, you dare not move until the green lights
are triggered if you don’t want trouble. Likewise Relationship. If you begin to
notice any dangerous behavior that may explode into serious issues in future,
then it is time to put an end to that dating relationship. Some common relationship red flags are:
1.
Lying
2.
uncontrolled temper
3.
lack of moral values
4.
mommy or daddy’s boy
5.
over-bloated sense of ego
6.
Justifying bad behavior
7.
Constantly tempting you to break your boundaries
8.
Unapologetic
9.
Jealousy for no reason.
10.
Lack of communication
11. Domineering attitude
12. Signs of abnormality or negative addictions
Red flags do not accede with dating tips for finding the right person so must be seriously considered when making any kind of
relationship decision.
You must trust your inner judgment and pay attention to
how your date makes you feel. Feeling worthless, uncomfortable, insecure, and
ashamed may be the time you have to think twice before making any decisions.
4. DON’T DATE TO PLEASE, DATE TO DO THE RIGHT THING
As soon as you meet someone who gives
the green light of Go-Ahead, here is the next stage you must come to. As the
dating relationship is converted into a full-blown one, most people
especially women tend to become dummies just to please a partner for the fear
of not being able to find another person. Such fears and insecurities will
rather ruin you in the future.
Relationship, remember, is not the destination.
You must make up your mind that you
are completely self-fulfilled and requires no one to complete you before getting
into anything serious love relationship otherwise you may be forced to behave in a compromising manner.
When your partner is wrong, don’t be
afraid to let him or her know. Don’t make your decisions only to please your
partner even when that person is wrong. You are not helping him, neither are you helping yourself or the relationship to become better.
5. DON’T BE AFRAID OF REJECTION
You
can plant yourself in the right environment and get ignored. Don’t take it
personally. Instead, reassess your attitude, actions, and words.
There is every tendency that people won’t look your way if your social skill is poor. There is also every tendency that when your social skill is too high, and you dress irresponsibly and act desperately, you will attract the wrong people who will also dump you along the way. Whichever way, you have to reassess what you are doing and adjust accordingly.
If you want to cry, do it, if you want to
lock yourself away from everyone for a while, do it, but what you must never do
is give up. I am certain there is that one special right person for you.
If
you do not learn how to accept rejection and re-adjust for good not for bad,
you may give up on your search for the right person and somehow begin to nurse
the belief that there is no such thing as finding love or finding the right
person.
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