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Wednesday, March 31, 2021

How to Build,Restore & Sustain Intimacy In a Relationship|All You Need To Know


 Have you been in a relationship for years and still don’t feel intimate? Or are you in a pretty new one and seeking ways to build intimacy fast? Or better still you are seeking to rejuvenate a lost affection in your relationship. Then this article is for you.


You’ll learn everything about intimacy that will facilitate an understanding of the 4 most effective keys to a lasting relationship/marriage.


intimacy in a relationship

The following items are covered in this post:

  • The true meaning of intimacy
  • Causes of intimacy problems
  • Signs of intimacy in a relationship
  • How to build intimacy
  • How to build intimacy in a new relationship
  • How to Restore a lost intimacy
  • How to increase physical intimacy
  • How to sustain or make intimacy last in a relationship 



The definition of intimacy has been misconstrued and that’s why people find it hard to understand what it really is and how to build it.


Intimacy can be defined as a close relationship that has developed a deeper connection and a strong bonding on all levels. It is not a one-time thing but a continuous process.


For people who are not married, sexual intimacy is a bad idea. Sex is not an advisable way of building intimacy because emotions will always fade away. Likewise, for married couples, limiting intimacy to just sexual experience is a huge mistake.


Intimacy can also mean friendship at the deepest level.  It is a state of connecting completely emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually, intellectually and mentally.


Have you been so deeply connected at one time and feel so distant at another time?  Many things can lead to such intimacy problems.


The disadvantage is that, if not resolved on time, it can become that one thing why many marriages fail.


Nevertheless, if you understand the reason for such untimely emotional disconnection, you can control and well manage it.


Some of the major reasons for intimacy issues are:


  1. Individual differences:  It is better for a couple to like or hate a lot of things than to have different opinions on virtually everything. Same opinions on many things build affection than different opinions over many things.
  2. Mood swing: When challenges of life set in, mood swing is inevitable. Understanding how to relate in such a situation will help intimacy survive.
  3. Overindulgence in sex: Sex is only a very small fraction of building intimacy in a relationship. Overindulgence in sex may deny one other opportunity available to promote intimacy. 
  4. Parenting: In a marriage relationship, making babies is an interesting experience. However, the overwhelming experience of parenting can create intimacy issues.
  5. Inadequate communication: The most profound way to create an atmosphere that makes couples intimate is by engaging in deep communication. When this is not in place, intimacy will keep dropping until it fizzles away.
  6. Lack of trust: The level of trust determines the level of openness in a relationship. If one cannot open up or gist about everything in a relationship due to trust issues, there will be issues.
  7. Pretense: Marrying out of fake feelings promotes intimacy problems. You can’t create a deep connection with someone you are not genuinely in love with.
  8. Over busyness: Working is good. It provides a steady salary that increases our standard of living. But the inability to manage the work properly can be a major challenge as far as being intimate is concerned.
  9. Depression: When spouses are constantly fighting, quarreling and cheating, depression can set in to destroy what they already have going.
  10. Being too serious: Some people are too serious as if relationship is an official assignment. Being too serious may not give room for playing together or going on special outings which help to build and sustain affection in a relationship.


Building intimacy in a relationship

It is very easy to know people who have deep emotional connections. They understand the
20 fun things a couple can do in bed besides sex and romance.


Some of the common signs of intimacy are:


  1. Always talking and laughing together
  2. When you have no fear of being open or vulnerable
  3. Going on funfairs
  4. Building strength from each other’s weakness
  5. Trusting each other
  6. Handling hard times together
  7. Working together as a team
  8. Seeing the relationship beyond sex
  9. Being honest with each other
  10. Not afraid to correct and not too big to take corrections
  11. Always affirming each other
  12. Interested in each other’s happiness
  13. Supporting each other’s dreams
  14. Missing a partner


Intimacy building is one of the vital ways to ensure a lasting relationship and as well win yourself a quick marriage ticket if done rightly, that is if you are not already married.


There have been many occasions where people courted for longer than expected and are not happy about it. The woman desires to be married but doesn’t know why a proposal is not forthcoming. On the other hand, the man is so confused about if she is the right person or not. 

All these in many ways can be attributed to a lack of bonding. They both lack some of the vital skills required to build deep emotional connections.


In this section, I will teach you how to build such intimacy. I will be covering this session in three main categories listed below.



At the novelty of every relationship, one of the most difficult things to do is to be intimate. People these days confuse sex with intimacy which is not all that there is.


If you are in a new relationship, whether as newlyweds or you just found yourself a sweetheart and you really want things to blossom, then try out these few but powerful tips.


  1. Strive to understand each other completely: Understanding is key for every new relationship. It is the first virtue that if in place, every other thing will naturally fall in place.
  2. Develop an attitude of affirmation: If you master the art of affirming each other, even when challenges arise, they will not be able to steal affection from your relationship in the long run.
  3. Kick out Harsh words: Words are powerful. The words you say last longer than scars in the head. You may think a partner has forgotten all the harsh words you said, but they have a way of resurrecting later on in the relationship to create many dull moments which are not good if you want to build a long-lasting bond.
  4. Understand each other’s primary love language:  Leverage on a spouse's primary love language to build a long-lasting intimacy. Find out a spouse's primary love language and always satisfy it. If your partner loves gifts, don’t be reminder before you buy one. For married couples, if a partner's primary love language is quality time alone, or sex, or physical touch, ensure you satisfy all.
  5. Engage in a heart-to-heart communication: Spend time together to talk about dreams, ambitions, likes and dislikes. Also while talking, always keep eye contact.
  6. Reminiscent Past: Have ever been alone thinking about the good times you had together in the past? Keep doing it. It will make you miss your partner and love him/her even more.
  7. Go out on dates: Don’t limit your love to just domestic affairs. Take out time to go out and associate with other people who would affirm you or your partner. Everyone likes it when a partner is being affirmed. You can see a movie together or go to the play pack together. Whatever it is, just have fun.


Developing a deep sense of emotional connection is not enough; it has to be managed by nurturing, if not the affection will die and hence, needs rejuvenation.


How to build intimacy in a relationship

The cheapest ways to restore any lost affection, deep connection, and strong bonding in a relationship are;


  1. Sincerely accept your wrongs: start by asking and answering two main questions; what was I doing that I no longer do? What have I been doing wrong now that I need to correct?  If you can recall what you did that promoted intimacy in the past and those things you now do that hinder it, then I am sure by now, you know what to do. 
  2. Resolve your differences: The next step is to kill your pride and take a bold step to resolve your differences.  Apologize to each other and begin to practice all I have written in “How to build intimacy in a new relationship”  just above this section.
  3. Make a promise: Now that you know the root causes of your intimacy problems, make a promise to each other not to repeat them. Making a promise is not enough. You might also want to keep each other in check.
  4. The magic of laughter: A study by Jeffrey Bernstein; a Psychologist shows that “Laughter is a potent love medicine. It is an intimacy builder for couples.” It is one of the easiest ways to rekindle dead feelings in couples who have lost touch of intense connection.  It can relieve the tension in bad times, and increase a sense of fun in a relationship. Promote laughter in your relationship by watch comedies together, telling jokes to each other, and try to be very silly when you are together. 



It is easy to be physically attracted to someone you just met, when all the curves and beauty is in place. Most people as long as they are in a relationship are very much sexually and romantically attracted to each other, but after marriage, such passion tend to die after a while giving rise to a lack of physical intimacy.


To increase the passion for physical intimacy in marriage in addition to what we have discussed so far, you might want to do the following;


  1. Exercise to keep fit and be in shape: When men especially no longer find you attractive, they find it hard to be physically involved with you. This is the same for women too.
  2. Maintain your sexual skills: Don’t lazy about sex now that you are married. Develop your sexual skills and add even more excitement to your marriage. Give no room for excuses.
  3. Still act like the single: You remember those things you used to do as a single?  All those playing together, eating together, going out on dates, affirming each other, cracking jokes and so on, keep at it. They are the little things that truly count.
  4. Go on vacations: Sometimes, traveling on vacation can help you calm and reassess your relationship. It can build a great physical connection that over-busyness has denied you for a long time.
  5. Brainstorm new ways to add fun: fantasize about a lot of things and try out new things you’ve probably not done before. Think of new ways to make love, new places to visit, new date ideas and many more.





Now that you know how to build intimacy in your relationship, you need to take a step further to sustain it. Building an intimate companionship is not enough; more importantly, is making it a permanent experience.


From my wealth of experience and by getting to know a lot of people who have sustained an intimate affair for years, I have come to realize that the easiest way to sustain intimacy in a relationship is to KEEP DOING AND DON’T GET WEARY. You have often heard that the hardest aspect of success is sustaining it which requires both hard work and smart work.


By HARD WORK, you keep doing everything that promotes love, unity, peace, affection and communication no matter how inconvenient it is. 

By SMART WORK, on the other hand, you learn to manage everything that can steal away intimacy. These things may not be bad, but if mismanaged can create intimacy issues. Things like job, parenting, business, social media excesses, mild disagreements, etc.


You will be successful at sustaining intimacy if you are able to balance your intimacy activities with your non-intimacy activities.


Congratulations on your journey to building and sustaining intimacy in your relationship.


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