Is sex important in a marriage? If so, what are some of the key importance of sex in marriage? Why do married couples stop having sex? Is lack of sex a problem in marriage? How much sex is normal in marriage? And how can one enjoy sex in marriage?
If these are some
of the questions lurking at the back of your mind, then I got you covered in
this post.
Briefly let’s begin
by understanding what sex is really about.
WHAT IS SEX AND WHY WAS IT CREATED
First, sex is God’s
idea intended primary for man’s pleasure but only within the confines of
marriage. Sex in marriage life is
what God wants for us. You might say that if God designed sex for our pleasure,
then why is He keeping it from us. No, He is not. Rather, He is keeping it for
us. No one gives a newborn baby a piece of hard meat to eat. He has to grow to
be fit for it. Likewise, our fitness for sex is not in our manhood, neither is
it in our age or hormonal drive but in our acceptance and entrance into the
marriage covenant. That is, to be sexually and romantically involved, we must
cut the marriage covenant with a special someone who will be our sex partner
for life.
Second, sex is a
physical and biological experience. There are hormones in both the male and
female anatomy that triggers the drive. When a drive or longing for sex is
triggered, the physical elements of sex such as the eyes, lips, tongue, breast,
penis, vagina etc. get copulated until orgasm is reached, then the drive
subsides.
Married folks
should enjoy sex to the fullest. God is happy when you do because the main
reason he invented it in the first place was for our enjoyment. Lack of sex in marriage is dangerous.
There is nothing like sexless marriage.
Check out my other post, “ 5 types of sex and how to enjoy it”
IMPORTANCE OF SEX IN MARRIAGE
Now that we know
that sex is God’s idea and that His desire is that everyone enjoys sex in
marriage life. We want to further assess some of the benefits of sex.
1. Sex
Gives Pleasure: One of the basic needs of humans is
sex not just for procreation but for enjoyment. This is why even after procreation,
couples keep having sex. Pleasure is one of the primary purposes of sex, that's why God
designed it to be very gratifying. There is no such thing as sexless marriage
unless the people involved are not sexually driven.
2. Sex
leads to procreation: Sex can result in childbearing.
However, childbearing is not the primary reason for sex. People can get married and decide not to have children, but can
they get married and decide not to have sex?
3. Sex
Has A Success Quota In Marriage: Even though sex is
not what makes a marriage work, it has its own quota in the overall success of
a marriage. One purpose of sex in marriage is that it creates a level of bond
and intimacy between couples. Study shows that partners who have sex regularly
are likely to have a lasting marriage than those who do not. Meaning that sex
can to an extent help reduce the chances of infidelity in marriage.
4. Sex
Calms The Nerves And releases Stress: I believe one
reason men love sex the most is that they work more. After a long day at
work, all they need is food, sex and sleep. Sex helps a stressed couple to calm
their nerves and feel refreshed.
5. Sex
is an exercise: There are different manners of
sex—soft, mild and hard. The hard type can be a very profitable way to exercise.
It is better you turn off the Air conditioner so that at some point, you can
begin to sweat. I know this sounds stupid, but it is one of the importance of sex
in marriage worth considering.
PROBLEMS WITH SEX IN MARRIAGE
We can’t underrate
the effects of lack of sex in marriage. Like I established earlier, sex in
marriage life is God’s desire for everyone, however, Satan has a way of
infiltrating God’s creation whether marriage, family, institutions, ministries,
economy, politics etc. Sex problems are one of the instruments by which he
troubles the institution of marriage. Let us see some of these problems so that
we can know how to guide and guard our marriage against the enemy.
1. Dissatisfaction:
Because the man is likely to reach orgasm before the woman, wives mainly suffer
this problem most. When the man climax and cum, the woman may still be in her
low or mid-level climax whereas the man is satisfied already. When the man
has a micro-penis or the woman, a slack or enlarged vagina it can also lead to
dissatisfaction. This is why the quality
of sex in marriage can determine infidelity possibility.
For maximum
satisfaction, a husband needs to give his wife some time for vaginal
contraction. In the case of someone with a micropenis, he has to be very
skilled in foreplay to compensate for his penis size, so that the woman can be
satisfied.
2. Tiredness:
Amongst
the myriad of sex problems in marriage, couples really hate this one. It is not
easy to sleep beside a sexy and active partner who is fit but denies you sex just
because he or she is too tired. I believe this is why most men eschew the idea
of their wives working. A man does not mind employing a housemaid for the
chores so that he can have all the sexual attention he desires from his wife.
3. Wandering
Mind: When God promised us sex in marriage life, he
meant we should enjoy it to the fullest. But one of the ways Satan distorts our
sexual pleasure is by firing worries, negative thoughts, anxieties and family
problems into our minds during lovemaking. This can cause a lack of
concentration and consequently, poor orgasm. When this is the case, partners
will begin to lose interest in sex which then results in a lack of sex in
marriage.
4. Fear:
Sometimes when couples have reached their limit of childbearing, they become
afraid of unwanted pregnancy. This alone can instil fear in them especially
when they lack the means to cater for another child. Such fear can cause
married couples to withdraw a bit from sexual activities.
5. Infidelity:
Infidelity is another problem with sex in marriage. A woman who already knows
that her husband is a philanderer may be afraid to have any sexual relationship
with him for fear of STD’s. At this point, most women begin to demand the
use of protection like condoms.
6. Over-Driven: A partner being hypersexual or nymphomaniac can lead to sex-related
problems as well. Though sex is
important in marriage, there is a limit to everything. Both sexless and hypersexual marriages are the two extremes of marriage and can foster infidelity. Infidelity is one of the consequences of a lack of sex in marriage.
People who are Oversexually driven should consult a sex therapist or psychologist
for help. But my best advice is that they surrender their sexuality to God and
ask for His grace to help them exercise self-control.
7. On
Different Page: He likes a particular sex style but
you don’t; she prefers longer foreplay but you prefer quick runs; you want her
to give you a blowjob, but you don’t like giving her a head; she wants it in
the kitchen or on the couch but you prefer it in the bedroom; he wants it on
Sunday before church, but you think it is not nice. All these different views
and individual preferences are what many married couples suffer. The scripture
says two cannot work together except they agree, so reason with your partner
and arrive at a self-less conclusion that is in the best interest of both of
you.
HOW TO ENJOY SEX IN MARRIAGE
The success of everything God made is hinged on the platform of knowledge. Now that we know the importance of sex in marriage, and also some of the problems that married people experience about sex, we are many steps into enjoying our sex life. Problems and traumatic situations should never make us resolve to a sexless marriage.
In
case you are wondering how to improve sex in marriage, here you come.
1. Make
Up Your Mind: The first thing to do to better
enjoy sex in marriage is to decide and determine to. It is on the soil of
determination that all these other tips that follow, grow and bear fruits. Nothing works without
determination. You have to determine to satisfy not just you but your partner.
2. Be
Zealous To Be Selfless: Don’t be selfish. Seek to
satisfy your partner and have it at the back of your mind that it is your
responsibility to ensure that they are elated after sex. Women generally think that they are the ones that need to be satisfied and so they just sleep like logs of woods doing nothing to add excitement when having sex. Similarly, men think that the moment they cum and are satisfied, they're done for that day regardless of whether the woman is satisfied or not. This is not the way to enjoy sex. It will only heighten the possibility of infidelity.
3. Be
Naturally Driven: Don’t always force sex. Don’t invite sex. Let sex invite you. Don’t artificially excite yourself for sex using
pornographic content or imagining the activities of the previous sex you had
just to get yourself in the mood. You will not enjoy sex in marriage this way. Rather, it may lead to sexual abuse.
4. Avoid
Quick Orgasm Thoughts: Some married folks feature
pornography in the act of lovemaking through thoughts and imagination.
Building such sexual images in your mind can lead to quick ejaculation which
leaves the other partner unsatisfied.
5. Avoid
Anti-Orgasm Thoughts: While there are thoughts that
foster quick orgasm, there are things that hinder it as well. This is why it is
imperative couples free their mind and focus on each other when having sex.
Family issues, workplace loads, or some problems you are momentarily going through have a
way of hindering orgasm which then results in little or no climax.
6. Have
An Epic Foreplay: This is one of the best ways to
spice up sex in marriage. No matter how your urge seeks to quickly indulge you;
the best way to enjoy sex is through intense foreplay. Take a longer time to
romance, smooch, caress, and stare deeply into each other’s eyes and say nice
things to each other.
7. Build
Strong Affection And Intimacy: Married couples
who have deep connections will enjoy better sex in marriage. Check out my post, “How to build, restore and sustain intimacy in marriage”
8. Space
Out:
Respect sex. Anything you indulge in without restraint becomes unpleasant no
matter how interesting it is. It is advisable to delay sexual gratification at
times. Imagine how sex would look like when you begin to indulge it every day. Just as you don't enjoy a particular meal when you eat it all the time, you won't also enjoy sex if you indulge in it all the time.
9. Evaluate:
One reason most married people don’t enjoy better sex is because they don’t
evaluate their sex life to see possible areas that need improvement. Sometimes
couples pretend to enjoy their marriage sex life just to make each other happy
whereas they are dissatisfied. This is a disaster. Not being honest is concealing
genuine feelings and deterring the chances of sexual explosion. What's more, it
can lead to infidelity.
HOW MUCH SEX IS NORMAL IN MARRIAGE?
There is no harm
associated with sex as long as it is within the confines of marriage and
couples are faithful. The question of how much sex is normal in marriage is
based on individual differences, desires and drives. As long as you eat
healthily and take good supplements, you can even have sex every day and you
are good to go. Nothing has been scientifically discovered, and I don’t think a
time will ever come when doctors will discover the danger of legal sex. They
didn’t invent sex. God did and every good and perfect gift comes from God.
However, like I earlier said, indulging in sex too frequently kills the pleasure. Women need time to allow vaginal contraction so that sex can be more pleasurable for both of them.
The importance and problems of sex in marriage are both enormous but can easily be fixed by following all I have written. Follow them and enjoy better sex today. Make sure to come back to testify.
PLEASE SHARE, LEAVE A COMMENT AND CONTACT US THROUGH THE CONTACT FORM.
RELATED ARTICLES
No comments:
Post a Comment