6 Laws of Dating After Divorce To Prevent Another Divorce

      HOW TO DATE AFTER DIVORCE

There is a right way to date after divorce which is very different from the usual way of dating.

Do you know the reason your marriage crashed in the first place can be linked to the fact that you dated the wrong way.?

 Your style of dating and the decisions you make when dating in terms of your actions, attitude, character, and the things you say and how you say them will in the end determine if you will enjoy a long-lasting marriage or not. ( Check out my post “ The right way to date if you want to be married”).

 If you date the right way, you will be in the right kind of marriage relationship. But if you date the wrong way, the reverse will be the case. Such marriage will be famous for Abuse, domestic violence, nagging, resentment, emotional traumas, and even death caused by suicide or fight.

However, In this article, you will find the right and easiest way to date after divorce to help you enjoy a long-lasting marriage which will not end in another divorce.

You may be 35 or 40 years old or even above, and you are wondering how to date after divorce at 40, this article is for you if you follow this 6 simple step by step laws below.

         6 LAWS OF DATING AFTER DIVORCE

Often than not people go into dating without first considering the pros and cons that come it. As, a result, so many marriages have ended in a way that leaves what has become a perpetual hurt and emotional wreck in the hearts of the parties involved. 

Even children born into such an unhealthy state of marriage end up becoming nuisance to not just their family but to the society as well.

 All these happen when dating is not done the right way. 

You cannot afford to date the wrong way after you have suffered a divorce, which is why these 6 laws are a necessity and must be followed with every sense of seriousness.

       1.  Release The Giants In Your Heart

Most divorced people enter into another dating relationship hoping to find happiness again but end up not finding one. The reason being that they have not released the hatred, anger, and unforgiveness in their heart that resulted from their previous relationship.

Let me say this, I am willing to stake a billion-dollar with you that you will never be successful in another marriage or dating relationship if you don’t first destroy the walls of unforgiveness, hatred, and anger that link you to your former relationship.  

You will end up frustrating your date’s efforts to make you happy and will never see anything good in whatever he or she does because you are still connected to your past. After you succeed in wearing them out, they’ll go and your troubles still persist.

Allowing your past relationship to affect your present one will never secure your future one. This is why you have to let go of every pain in your heart by forgiving everyone that needs to be forgiven. 

You hurt yourself the more if you fail to forgive those that have hurt you.

If people could hurt your feelings in the past when you are with them, it is only wise of you not to allow them to hurt you when they are no more. They are not worth it so should not be allowed to destroy your present relationships.

Another person to forgive is yourself. Most people think it is their fault that the marriage couldn’t succeed so somehow they hate themselves for it and believe they don’t have what it takes to make a relationship work. 

That’s not true. You maybe at fault, but you still have a chance to make things right and it starts by genuinely forgiving yourself and everyone who has wronged you in the past.

      2.   Get Rid of Erroneous mentality

Somehow the world has come to believe in the statements especially when it has to do with relationships that, “all men are the same” and “all women are the same.”

This believe is erroneous and will destroy any chance you have to resettle again. 

All men and certain all women are not the same. There are good people and there are bad people as well. 

The fact that you didn't succeed in your relationships should be a yardstick to generalize your belief about men and women. It was rather unfortunate you ended up with the wrong person.

 In this world where the population of bad people far outweighs the good ones, dating after divorce must be something you have to do with great care and precaution.

If you have such a general belief about everyone, you will have issues with trust even if your date is worth trusting. And as they say, trust is fundamental to any relationship.

       3.   Never Talk About Your Troubles

After you have finished breaking the walls of unforgiveness that limits and uprooting the erroneous mentality that distracts, it is now time to go on your first date after divorce.

There are a lot of things you can do and talk about, but never talk about your troubles. Don’t start talking about how heartbroken you are and tearing up. You are not in front of a counselor or an emotion's therapist. 

Every slightest chance you have should be to show how strong, brave, and free you are.

 Complaining and pouring out your troubles will only scare your date away. 

No one goes on a date with an intention to solve other people's emotional problems. People want to be happy and have fun.

Don’t talk about your past relationship unless you are asked to and even when you talk about it, don’t go too deep. Just scratch the surface in other not to resurrect any unwanted emotions.

      4.   Avoid Compensational Dating

Compensational dating is the kind of dating where people who have been hurt and emotionally damaged seek someone they can depend on to feel better.

 As a divorcee starting all over again, this type of dating is harmful.

If you cannot be complete on your own, entirely lacking nothing and wanting nothing don't go on any date. 

Like Dr. Myles Munroe said, you are ready to date when you don't need to date. Meaning that the moment you begin to see a need to date then you are not really ready to date. 

Some people date because they want a shoulder they can cry on, some date to win someone's undivided attention and a whereas others date for money and sex. 

Dating with an intention to be completed and derive a sense of wholeness from another person will damage you in the long run, because people won't always meet your needs or satisfy your emotional desires. 

People don't like to carry unnecessary weight and responsibility, at least not at the early stage of a dating relationship when no emotion has been invested.

This is why you have to answer the question," Am I complete without this person, will I still feel good if he or she leaves, is my emotion under control? 

if you can't give the right answers to this question, then you are not ready to date.

5. Take A Retrospect

There are mistakes or things you did in the past in your previous relationship, it could be an omission you made or something serious you took lightly. You have to recall all of them. 

Take a retrospect into the past and analyze your actions or approach towards the previous affair you had that resulted in divorce. One thing you shouldn't do is make the same mistake this time around.

For instance, I know of a lady who did a lot of things for this particular guy just to keep him. She gratified his sexual desires, did his laundry, fed him,  cooked for him, and even lived with him though she was not yet a wife. 

When she finally became a wife married out of pity, her life became a living hell all because she never respected herself. 

Making your self a wife, when you are not yet one, will only ruin your chances of being one.

No woman will be successful in marriage acting all irresponsible by meeting a man's immoral desire during dating or courtship. 

There are things a man wants from a woman and there are things a woman wants from a man as well, certainly not some form of repugnant behavior that undermines your moral values. You will only get used and dumped.

Another area you would want to recall is the role you played in your divorce. What did you do wrong that you are fully aware of? Settle it. 

Not coming to terms with this area of your life and correcting all your wrongs may land you into another divorce if your new dating relationship eventually lands you in another marriage.

Nagging, distrust, suspicions, disrespects, excessive demands, not meeting emotional needs, lack of communication, domestic violence, parenting differences,  and taking wrong advises maybe some of the things you were guilty of in your former relationship. 

You have to deal with them before they follow you into your next marriage and cause even more damage.

6.Learn The Tortoise Way

You are not Usain Bolt. Take things slowly. 

Rather than being too anxious to marry again, learn the tortoise way. They are very slow and steady but will always get to their destination.

Anxiety to get married again can make you compromise your standards, become desperately, and act inappropriately just to keep a man. You can make mistakes in your judgment of the person you are dating.

The peak of it is that It will undermine your moral values which is even what most men look out for in a woman they want to spend the rest of their lives with.

DATING AFTER DIVORCE FOR MEN

Men are not much of emotional people. They are more logical. It is natural for a man to want to dominate and control a woman. But these days, we have had teachings that have corrected such an unfair impression and as such promote gender equality.

Because men are egocentric, they may make the mistake of going into another relationship without accepting a self-blame that they played a major role to facilitate their divorce.

Also, most men have unremorseful thoughts after divorce. A man would rest on the fact that there are plenty of women out there at his beck and call to enjoy great sex and fun with. He becomes an abuser of women and hopes not to be married again.

However, somehow along the line, a man may fall in love and decides to marry again. But the promise is, his mentality hasn't changed, his ego is still intact and he's not ready to accept his mistakes of the past relationships and correct them. 

Going into another marriage relationship with such an unchanged old mindset will definitely cause another catastrophe.

On the other hand, most men who are emotional may think dating again is a bad idea. This is because they have lost self-confidence in their ability to woo a woman and get her to fall in love again. 

They now believe that a woman's emotion is fake because  their previous relationship full of emotion shouldn't have ended in divorce if emotions were real. 

Thinking this way steals their trust for women.

Such men are deeply wounded and need time to heal and learn a new perspective.

TIPS FOR DATING AFTER DIVORCE WITH KIDS

1. Don't act deceptively. Let your date know you have kids

2. Never you allow your date to contend with your kids' time

3. Don't force it if your date feels uncomfortable that you have a child. End it with such a person.

4. Never you talk about sensitive matters after you are emotionally involved. Discuss them at the early stage of your dating relationship when no emotion has been invested to avoid making emotional decisions you may live to regret.

5. Learn from your past mistake and be very observant.

6. Talk to your kids about your date

7. Make your kids understand you place no one above them.

8. Go with your kids on most dates

9. Be proud of your kids and respect their feelings

10. Be proud you are a single mom or dad.

11. Talk about your kids with your dates. This will reveal a lot about the person you are dating.

12. Set boundaries and don't break them.

13. Don't tolerate any ill-treatment on your kids by your date.

QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN DATING AFTER DIVORCE

As a divorced person planning to date again, there are healthy questions you can ask. A smart thing to do is to look out for the set of bad attitudes displayed by your ex-husband or wife that gave rise to the divorce and base your questions in those areas. 

Some of the smart  questions you can ask are;

1. What can you say about cheating

2. What can really make you contemplate divorce?

3. What are your weaknesses and strengths

4. If you were to make a list of long term goals and plans about marriage what would they be?

5. What was it like growing up for you?

6. How would you describe your family?

7. what do you think about a second marriage?

TAKE AWAY QUOTES

1. The problem with divorcees is not that they do not have another chance at marriage but not learning from their past mistakes.

2. In life, as long as you are willing to adjust, there is every room to rejoice.

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