10 Smart Ways To Manage CO-PARENTING Without Affecting Kids.

WHAT IS CO-PARENTING?

Co parenting is the ability of parents to raise their children together while still divorced or separated. It must be done right for the best interest of the kids whether the couples involved are divorced or separated.

When both parents  act maturely, understand each other, and are willing to cooperate, they can reach a certain agreement that will enhance effectiveness and efficiency in  raising children with mental and emotional stability.

But in a situation where one parent is a narcissist, the entire process can be daunting, frustrating, and harmful to kids.

However, in this article, I have enumerated the 10 best ways to jointly raise children with a narcissist without harming or affecting the kids.

Before we delve deep, do you know your partner may be transforming into a narcissist without your knowing?

The earlier you know about this and make plans ahead, the better for you and your children.

This is why this article contains some common signs of a narcissistic parent.

Signs you are co-parenting with a narcissist.   

       1.   Overly disagreeing and not willing to cooperate

       2.   Acting violently not minding how it will affect the kids

       3.   Does not care about other people’s feelings

       4.   Being sentimental

       5.   Overstepping boundaries

       6.   Disrespectful and controlling

       7.   Flouting co-parenting agreement

       8. Threatening he will stop you from seeing the kids

       9. Throwing anger and tantrums

      10. Over Inflated Ego

How to handle Co-Parenting without Affecting the Kids(Co Parenting Done Right With A narcissist)

One of the most difficult things in parenting is co-parenting with a narcissist.

 It would’ve been easier if you can get a narcissist off your lane by a restraining order, but what law restricts a parent from his or her children unless there is an extreme case of violence?

There are a good number of ways you can still co-parent with a narcissist father or mother without compromising a child’s healthy mental and emotional state.

  1. Reach a Legalized Agreement

Narcissists are tough people to deal with. The last thing you want to do is strike any unlegalized agreement with them because they'll breach it.

In delicate matters that have to do with raising children the best way possible, you wouldn't want all those Melodrama with a narcissistic ex. because they don't care if a child's emotion is at stake or not.

To help curtail excesses, you may want the intervention of the legal system to authenticate and document an agreement as regards the acceptable behaviors of both parents while raising the kids together. Agreements on rotating a child's custody and visitation period have to also be reached.

2. Set Co-Parenting Boundaries

The success of co-parenting has all to do with the quality of boundaries set and the willingness of both parties to cooperate.

Without relationship or some kind of connection, there won't be troubles. Troubles only arise because somehow someone has a connection or relationship with another.

 Therefore cutting off every unnecessary link or connection with an ex as much as possible by setting boundaries while still co-parenting will foster peace which is the right kind of environment needed to breed children.

Another thing you want to do with a narcissist parent is to keep things businesslike. You are not obligated to let your ex   know the  details of your new life especially when it has no connection with the kids.

Communication also should be done when necessary and must be for no other reason than matters related to the children.

When the children are in the other parent's custody, you should not visit the days you're not approved to unless in cases of emergency.

Setting boundaries with someone who has an over-inflated sense of ego, and who has a history of violence can do a lot for not just you, but the kids as well. Children will never be In the scene of verbal or physical attack.

3. Arrest Your Emotions

Most women act childishly when they co-parent. They release too many negative emotions thereby giving their ex reasons to abuse,  intimidate, and laugh at them. 

The worst mistake you can make is to give your ex the satisfaction he is making you go through emotional tortures.

Whether you are still in love with that narcissist or not or whether you still feel the pain of your past relationship, co-parenting the right way frowns at your display of childish emotions.

Don't go to visit the kids acting like an enemy to your ex. Such behavior is unacceptable if you want to raise emotionally stable children.

This is why no matter how unfriendly, rude and arrogant your ex is, you must always strive to put a lock on your emotion and act like the mature one for the sake of your kids.

Your children must never meet you emotionally down, beclouded with thoughts, depressed and unsatisfied. 

Even though It is natural to feel this way most times, your ability to control it will do a whole lot in a child's upbringing.

4. Consider The Feelings of The kids

Sometimes when it is your turn to have custody of the kids for a period of time, most kids for some reason have bonded with the other parent in a way they prefer living with him or her. Don't disregard their choice.

Most parents would think such a child does not love and appreciate all their efforts because they choose to stay with the other parent. Thinking this way can make a parent begin to develop hatred for his or her children.

 Such thought is not right.

Don't take such a thing personally and don't think sickly.

You must realize as a parent that the primary essence of parenting is so that children are raised in the highest level of sanity and stability while still bonding with both parents. And considering a child's feelings is one way to keep them stable and happy. 

5. Look Out For Negative Emotions In Your Kids

Raising children under divorce or separation is not the best for the kids. But as you may already know, some circumstances are beyond our control.

However, if you fall a victim of such a situation, what  you can do is monitor your kids for any negative emotions, depression or unhappiness.

 Splitting turns for custody or holidays is not enough. You have to go the extra mile to know how your children are treated when they are in the custody of the other parent.  

You can do this by asking your kids some questions in a way that does not make your intentions obvious to them. This is because you don't want them to start perceiving and observing the ill relationship you have as parents.

Any unacceptable attitude towards the kids calls for legal actions especially when the other parent is becoming violent and abusive to the kids.

 Requesting for a restraining order in such a case, wouldn’t be a bad thing to do. 

6. Date Positive minded People

What does dating has to do with co-parenting? Maybe the question ringing in your heart. Well, it has a lot to do with it especially when your ex is a narcissist.

In point 4 I advised you to arrest your emotions. Well, one of the best ways to do this is to surround yourself with the right people who understand what you are going through and are willing to stand by you.

You can actually derive some pleasure, happiness, and a sense of worth from dating people, friends, and family. 

They will help with cushioning your pains and anger and can provide comfortable shoulders to lean on when depressed.

While doing this though, you must be careful so you don’t end up dating those who will rather escalate your negative feelings.

7. Consult a Mental Health therapist

In a case where you could not derive any peace, support, or fulfillment from dating people, consulting a mental health therapist can be the next best option.

A therapist will help you stabilize so that suicide out of frustration piled-up on you by that narcissist wouldn't be an option.

You must make every plan as much as possible to be in the best mental state while securing that of your kids as well.

8. Don’t Speak Bad Of Your Ex to the kids

No matter how frustrated you get in your co-parenting journey, don’t involve your kids in a negative way.

You may be tempted to, but fight that feeling of speaking badly of the other parent to the kids.

Most parents in a bid to win a child's complete love to themselves speak ill of the other parent.

 If you do this, you have then defeated the very essence of parenting. The children will begin to develop a different perspective about relationships, marriage, or life in general. 

They will grow into adults believing that being single is better off starting a family.

If somehow they manage to get married, such marriage will suffer, because the accumulated delusions picked up as kids still speak within the adult person.

9. Expect Challenges And Maintain a Healthy Perspective on Conflicts.

You cannot have a link with a narcissist and completely view the world as a bed of roses.

Challenges will surely come. Settle it.

It could be disagreement, quarrels, physical abuse, or verbal abuse but in all of that, it is your obligation to maintain a healthy perspective on conflict.

Understanding this solves more than half of the problem. What is important is your sanity and your kids' safety, Not exchanging blows, words, and fighting like animals. 

10. Try Parallel Parenting

When the going gets tougher and your ex is gradually turning into a monster, parallel parenting can be an option.

Parallel parenting is a co-parenting style where both parties try to avoid physical contact or meeting as much as possible.  

In this style of parenting, you can choose a neutral spot where you pick up or drop off kids instead of visiting your ex’s house.

When a relationship becomes very toxic, parallel parenting is the best option. It allows each parent to parent the way they deem fit when the child is in their custody. By so doing, one parent does not have to questions the parenting ability of the other parent which in most cases forms the bases for loggerheads and violence.

In this type of parenting, communication only happens when it is absolutely necessary.

                             Co-Parenting Rules 

        1.   Don’t use your kids against your ex.

        2.   Don’t talk ill of your ex in front of the children

        3.   Monitor your kids' emotions

       4.   Control your own emotions

       5.   Protect your kids' interest

       6.   As much as lies in you, avoid disagreement and quarrels

       7.   See a counselor When the going gets tougher

       8.   Always act like all is well in front of your kids

       9. Take legal action if the need be

     10. Pray for God's help every step of the way

Tips For Co-Parenting With A Narcissist. 

     1.   Don’t try to build understanding. A narcissist would not want to understand. Trying to build understanding may only lead to further misunderstanding

     2.   Be the understanding person. Play the fool for the sake of your kids

    3.   Make decisions that are in the best interest of the kids

    4.   Practice parallel parenting

    5.   Don’t take out your frustrations on the kids

    6.   Try to find out the other parent’s attitudes towards the kids

    7.   Surround yourself with positive-minded people

    8.   Watch what you say about your ex to the kids

    9.   See a counselor if need be. 

   10.      Document important facts. You may need it in court.

   11. Take legal actions in case of any violence or ill-treatment of the kids.

        

          

       Importance Of Co-Parenting 

The importance of co-parenting is enormous.  When children are raised by both parents the best way possible, it gives them a sense of completion and fulfillment. Such children will grow up to understand what it means to have a father and a mother figure.

Also when children are raised by both parents, it exposes them to an understanding of the feminine and masculine gender. it instills a sense of balance in children which will ultimately make them better parents in the future.

The conclusion is, their mental and emotional security is ensured if co-parenting is done right.

  TAKE AWAY QUOTE

Co-parenting is not the best. Raising children under a working relationship will perform wonders you will never achieve no matter how best and right you co-parent.

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