at THE COACH TOUCH, we discovered that many ideologies about Dating, Relationship, Marriage, and Parenting revolving around the internet are unhealthy for consumption; a big reason many are perplexed and dissatisfied. THE COACH TOUCH WANTS TO TEACH YOU HOW TO DATE, BUILD A GREAT RELATIONSHIP AND MAKE A FANTASTIC MARRIAGE OUT OF IT, AND FINALLY, LEAD YOU THROUGH A SEAMLESS PARENTING JOURNEY AFTER MARRIAGE. This VISION is the rationale behind our FREE Coaching, Counseling, and Guest Speaking.

Monday, August 10, 2020

What Is Dating?| The Real Secrets No One Has Told You

What is dating?  Is dating a relationship? How can I find the right person to date? When the right person comes, how do I know? What is the right way to date to be married? These are questions men and women, boys and girls alike ask on a daily basis.


 These are great questions because nobody wants to be trapped in a traumatic relationship or marriage. But even more great are these big secrets I want to reveal. Everyone deserves to know the truth.

What is dating

    The key areas of consideration are;

  • Four key definitions of dating: the big secrets
  • Purpose of dating
  • Stages of dating
  • Importance of dating
  • What does it really mean to date someone?
  • What is dating in relationship?
  • Difference between dating and relationship



These four meaning of dating are provided to clear the air of confusions, to challenge you and to free you from the delusion you have always believed, and get you ready for Dating The Right way. They are not like the usual definitions that roam the internet.


Let’s get to it…..

1. Dating Is A Law Of Attraction

Hear this, if you enter into a dating relationship anyhow, you will end up anyhow. In the world of dating, you cannot attract someone entirely different from who you are or who you are becoming. 


This is very vital and spells the reason people end up with those who they fancy at a time but as they begin to change, and develop a different outlook in life, they expect anyone they are in a relationship with to adjust as well. When the person couldn’t serve their expectation anymore, challenges, quarrels, divorce and a whole lot erupt. 


It is therefore advisable to date only when you have completely discovered your real and complete self and the values and standards that wouldn't have to change resulting in the  need for your partner change as well.


In dating, you attract who you are ready for. The quality of the person you attract is determined by the quality of the person you are becoming or have become. 


 If you want a responsible person, walk towards becoming one. You don't attract just anybody, you attract your likes. It is a natural law. 


If you are a chain smoker, chances are that you may end up with a smoker. If you are a clubber, chances are you will attract those who like clubbing as well. This is called the dating principle of attraction.

1.1 Dating's Principle of Attraction  

We cannot exhaust the meaning of dating unless we begin to see it as a principle of attraction as well.


Here is why….


Why is it that you attract and may end up dating the person with the same likes, values, interest and desires as you? It is because everyone has in his or her mind some kind of picture of the kind of person they would want to have a relationship with.  


Nobody goes into dating without some level of expectation of who they want to spend the rest of their lives with. It is only natural that a clubber and fun lover will want to end up with their likes.


 A church person on the other hand would also be naturally drawn to a church loving person because this has been one big expectation and desire.


While some may dispute this fact, it is important to know that most times our attraction to people of our types based on the desires in our hearts are subconsciously driven. 


It is an inclination that has always been registered in our subconscious minds and that's why our attitudes and disposition scare away the people who do not possess  the features or qualities we desire, even though they are the right people we are supposed to date and end up with.


Expectation is selective. It makes us enter into our dating adventure with the idea that only those who measure up to our standards will be given a dating ticket. 


While this idea is good, you must also bear in mind that if your expectation of a date is unhealthy and lacks good morals, then the overall essence of dating is defeated and you may end up badly. 

2. Dating Is A Mentality

Because dating is a law, and laws condition and control once attitude and outlook in life, there is therefore a certain kind of mentality that dating conditions us to have. 


Just as students should cultivate the mentality of education; a businessman; the mentality of business and a doctor; the mentality of health, everyone that is on the look for an exciting dating experience must as well cultivate a healthy dating mentality.


Your mentality is how you view dating or your disposition towards it. 


Dating mentality cuts across being friends with benefits, dating as business partners, dating for fun, and dating to marry.


If you are dating to marry with the mentality of friends-with-benefits or fun lovers, you may end up badly and won’t get the fulfillment and happiness you desire resulting from the propensity to skip more important areas like values, goals, purpose, parenting, and other future plans.


 One major problem of dating is that the vast majority of people enter into it without first being prepared by defining and deciding specifically what they are getting into and the necessary adjustments that are obtainable in such a case.


The pitfall of this is that in the course of dating, they end up losing a potential life partner because they do not have a correct and functional life’s view about dating. 


This is also true when two people who are dating do not have the same beliefs or perspectives.  They will start off quite alright, but along the line, may go their separate ways. This is exemplified in a situation where a man who sees dating as fun meets a lady who sees dating as a serious business before marriage. Such a conflicting mentality will never produce any lifetime result.


You can forget everything I have written in this article, but don’t forget this one thing “Anyone you are dating is observing you to know your stand or perspective on dating.”


This is especially true for Christians. Dating as a Christian comes with a lot of awareness, expectations and consciousness.

  3. Dating To Marry Is Partial Singleness

 In my opinion, this is the most important definition of dating everyone should know.


The worst kind of mistake one can make while dating is acting like he or she is totally single. When you act this way, chances are you won’t conduct or behave yourself and add restrictions to what you do. You will be giving the wrong impression about yourself because you don't care.  


 People with this kind of mindset think they can say anything, act anyhow in the presence of their date because they think they are single and are free like a bird. To them, there is no need for dignity and self-control. 


On the other hand, when you act like you are partially single because you are hooked with someone who could be your life partner, you will curtail all your excesses and irresponsible lifestyle and set boundaries. 


This is very essential to dating since one major reason people date is to look out for lifetime compatibility and how responsible, understanding, and supportive one can be. 


Whether you like it or not, dating is an observation relationship. 


My unsolicited advice is, if you are in a dating relationship; don’t act like you are not-- like you are totally free to misbehave. That person could be noticing.


While being conscious of your actions and behavior, the intention is not to impress or coarse your date to take interest in you, but to keep things as real as possible.


Quoting from Helpguide blog, " Dating tips for finding the right person"

“Everyone has flaws, and for a relationship to last, you want someone to love you for the person you are, not the person you’d like to be, or the person they think you should be.”


 If you act to please people, you may be tempted to lower your values just to satisfy a date and still get disappointed. 

Also, you might just be giving your date the opportunity to monopolize and control your life all because you want to please them or get them to take a special interest in you. 


 Just so that you might know, being conscious of your actions and behavior during dating doesn't stop you from dating other people. You can still double date while dating someone. 


I personally believe that, until you are married, you still have the right to double date while maintaining good moral values, focus, and a great deal of responsibility.

4. Dating Is Relationship


 Too many people have defined dating as not a relationship. Oftentimes, people attempt to differentiate dating from relationships without any satisfactory reason for their claims. 


Dating is a relationship, but the shallowest form of it. 


Just as marriage, friendships, courtship are all relationships, dating as well is. 


What is a relationship? A relationship is a connection, association, or a condition that brings two together for a period of time or for a lifetime. 


If two people can be meeting, going to malls, doing picnics together, discussing and looking out for each other on a daily basis, are those not relationship acts?  If at a point their emotions are invested in the course of their dating each other is that not relationship becoming serious? 


Because people believe dating is not a relationship, they go into it with careless abandon. And the pitfall is that their lackadaisical attitude keeps them from getting married because they undermine certain values and responsibilities that come with dating.


Dating is a law of attraction, it is a relationship and it demands a mentality.


What is dating to you? What else can you define as dating, different from what you just read?



Have you come across the book, “I kiss dating goodbye?” what do you think?


I could understand the argument of the author. But the fact is, dating in and of itself is not bad. Only bad people who don’t understand the purpose of dating make it look bad.


If you kiss dating goodbye, where do you start a relationship from? Is it from a fully-fledged intimate relationship out of the blues or from marriage directly?


Relationships have to have a beginning and dating is that beginning. You must have to meet someone one day, take time to know them, build trust and then be certain what you are getting yourself into before you make that lifetime decision. This is the primary purpose of dating.


Simply put, the main reason for dating is to judge all-round compatibility.  It is a ground for observation, education and decision.


Things like physical characteristics, personality, spiritual compatibility, moral values, dreams and aspirations are observed before a decision is made.


As long as a relationship is still in the stage of dating, two people are not supposed to take things intimate or develop any deep affection for each other. They can like each other and grow fond of each other, but should never build intimacy at this stage.


There are people who date for different reasons which are unhealthy, as a result, I was inspired to write "the 3 dangerous types of  21st century  dating everyone should avoid."



What is dating?

A lot of people start dating without following the different stages of dating consecutively. It is like flipping over to chapter two of a book without the prerequisite knowledge that chapter one has to offer.


Make no mistake about it. The various dating stages are dependent on each other and must be followed chronologically. Negligence of this fact has ruined many people because they ended up dating wrongly and now has a nightmare for a marriage.


Below are the stages of dating. 

1. Initiation Stage

Every relationship begins from somewhere. People who are married today did not just meet out of the blues and decide to spend their lives together. There has to be a kind of root. This root is where everything started and it is called “Initiation.” This stage can also be called “first date.” Check out my post10 critical questions you should never skip on a first date


The initiation stage is also the stage of attraction.  There is nothing wrong with liking or feeling drawn to someone the first time you see them. What matters is putting your emotions in total control and bring on reality.


There are occasions and events that may warrant meeting someone for the first time. Some people meet in church, at a party, or at a wedding ceremony. Some meet at the gym, supermarket or even as they go jogging.


While meeting someone for the first time feels good, it is also important to note that the place and circumstance under which you meet a person has a lot to say about that person.  It can speak volume and reveal a lot about someone and can become a good criterion upon which you base your decisions.

2. Affirmation Stage

At this stage, things are beginning to loosen up gradually. On the first date, nobody wants to deeply affirm the other or be too involved even if that’s what they really want, due to the fear of being perceived as a cheap and desperate person. But when things start to unfold, affirmation is born.

This is also the stage of infatuation and curiosity. You may not be able to really differentiate between genuine and feigned feelings at this point; great reason one must be careful. It is at this stage you being to wonder, “Is he/she the right person for me?” 


This stage of dating is also characterized by curiosity. The things you are curious to know about a person but couldn’t because it’s a first date, you begin to know them now by asking some meaningful first date questions.


Also, there is great tolerance and little or no conflict at this stage because people work so hard to impress each other. At this point, people begin to ask, “Is the idea of a relationship a good fit or should I back out?” This though depends on individual personal desires and evaluation of each other.

 3. Revelation Stage


 It is easier to build trust and develop feelings for someone you can tell almost anything. In stage 2, I made mention of curiosity. But we all know that it is difficult to get people to tell you vital things about themselves when they can’t trust you. 

While the purpose of stage 2 is to reveal things on a superficial level, at the revelation stage of dating, deeper things are revealed.  People at this stage go deeper in their connection with each other and emotional love begins to build.


People often begin to discover true feelings and act more naturally and comfortable with each other.


Also, because of what they now know about each other, they can better understand and manage each other’s strengths, weaknesses and differences.


At this stage, the woman eagerly wants to know where the relationship is headed. It is also the holding-back stage for, especially women. They’ll hold back on a lot of things until they are sure of you.


Wisdom is most needed here. One has to pay attention to his/her inner voice to make certain decisions because holding back too much or being too inquisitive can mar the relationship. There is no need to rush things. Great decisions are made in calmness.


Conflicts are prone here because nobody wants to pretend or impress anymore.

4. Affection Stage

While affections or feelings are mild in stage 3, at this stage of dating, they are high because there is no holding back like in the revelation stage. The two people involved are sure of each other.  This is why you must understand what stage your relationship is at per time.

 If clarity, trust and understanding are not birthed in stage 3, you can’t access this stage.


Here, both families are involved and the partners understand each other’s lifestyle, likes, dislikes, future plans and life’s purpose.


They are committed and fully engaged in the relationship at this stage. Trust is fully born and there is honesty. 

At this stage also, they begin to have more futuristic conversations like finances, children/parenting, religion, and career.


This is the final stage of decision-making. Any decision about marriage you can’t make here, you may not be able to make them or change things after marriage. This is why you shouldn't rush things.

A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage, so take your time to reanalyze and reassure your selves. Differentiate between the set of behavior you can condone and those you know you can’t.

5. Transaction Stage


 This is the stage of “will you marry me?” “Can you do this long time business called marriage with me?” It is at this stage that great intimacy is born. The partners finally get married and consummate it by sexual involvement.


I called this stage, “transaction stage” because the two people are now in the business of marriage. Both families have signed off their children and wished them well. But how well can things be?

This is the stage with the highest level of conflict especially because you have to wake up every day with the same person and tolerate every nonsense. Or when a couple begins to lose pulchritude or stop doing those fun things they used to do at stage 1, 2, 3, and 4, they begin to resent each other, until maturity and emotional management are in place.


It is at this stage couples should strive to understand what every man wants in a woman and as well, what every woman wants in a man. It is the stage of maximum wisdom for marital success.



What is dating

1. Dating helps you find the right life partner: If you date the right way by following the stages of dating mentioned above, you will surely find love.

2. Taking your dreams forward: Not all dating relationship is meant to end in marriage. Sometimes you meet people that become true friends who help you take your dreams forward or invest in your ideas.

3. Fun: Dating can be a source of fun and exploration. You get to visit places you’ve not been before, play games you’ve not played before or even meet people you haven’t met before.

4. A platform to learn: If you are on a date and you are not learning, you are failing.  Dating avails everyone the room to learn about people, how to make wise relationship decisions and develop emotional intelligence. A relationship that didn’t work out can be an eye-opener on how to approach another relationship.

5. Self-development: Timid people and introverts can learn how to socialize through dating. One can learn how to command good English and understand some important daily etiquette by dating those who are already exposed. Dating can even improve your sense of dressing, manners, values and interests.

6. Self-control: Dating can teach people how to control their emotions. If you have some weaknesses that you don’t like, say, fornication, lying or anger, you can challenge yourself by dating and deciding not to do any of those.

7. Making and maintaining friendship: You need social skills to make and maintain friendship.  Dating can help you with this. It will teach you how to understand people’s feelings and emotions and better manage them.

8. Problem-solving: Sometimes we date other people whose great moral standards and genuine advice can help us solve our life’s problems. People have gone on dates with good people and come back home to make peace with their parents, spouse or even friends.

9. Marriage preparation: Every wise person who goes out on a date must have some kind of standard or criteria that act as a benchmark. This is because, you don’t want to end up badly in marriage, so you are preparing.

10. Healing: If you survived a very painful relationship or abuse, dating the right people can help you heal and set you back on your feet. However, dating the wrong people can also exacerbate your pain.


The importance of dating cannot be overemphasized, but these few, can help a lot. 



Many people ask, what does it mean to date someone? Does dating mean having a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship?


The word dating is generic. Whether you are getting to know someone for marriage purpose, business purpose or just to have fun, it is called dating.


But when people often use the word, “I am dating someone”, it tends to be an emotional or affectionate relationship of getting to know someone and assessing suitability.


Dating someone shouldn’t in any way suggest monopolizing each other. It is not marriage or even engagement yet, so one is at liberty to date other people who are potential suitors as well.



Is it a good idea to keep dating when in a relationship or after marriage?


Let’s see….


A successful relationship especially that which has grown into a successful marriage started from dating. It must also be sustained in a way by dating as well.


One of the sweetest things to do after marriage is to continue dating each other. This is called, “dating in a relationship.”

 Don’t forget the sweet and fun things you used to do back then. Don't forget to be naughty once in a while. They will help you build friendship and deeper intimacy.


Having said this, the answer to the opening question is, “YES.” But your partner. 


 What is dating?

Even though most people use these two terms interchangeably, there are many implicit differences between them.


Dating in a way is a relationship, but the shallowest form of it.


Here are some of the differences listed in tabular form.





Full of fun

Focuses on more important things,


At liberty to multi-date

Cannot multi-date


Less commitment

More commitment


Anxiety and vagueness

Comfort and clarity


More curious about each other

More knowledgeable about each other


Great desire to impress

Less desire to impress


More casual communication

More heart-to-heart communication


Expecting less from someone

Expecting more



With or without satisfaction or peace, you can keep dating for other reasons.

Satisfaction and peace are compulsory in a relationship. If there is none, leave.


Families are not involved

Families are involved



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