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Wednesday, March 9, 2022

How To Deal With Your Jealousy & A Jealous Partner In A Relationship

How To Deal With Jealousy And Insecurity In A Relationship

Jealousy is a major part of a relationship. It is a reality and a vital aspect that every married couple must brace. This is why I suggest that a couple, whether married, unmarried or about-to-wed, must learn how to deal with a jealous partner in a relationship.  

how to deal with a jealous partner in a relationship

What Causes Jealousy in a relationship?

Are you asking why is my partner so jealous? And you want how to deal with a jealous lover. 

 Jealousy is first a mindset. This is why one can condition his or her mind not to feel jealous. It is generally a negative thought that results in a marriage or relationship Jealousy. In a nutshell, every Jealousy is a product of unhealthy thinking which is caused by two main reasons: inferiority complex and insecurity. 

   One major cause of jealousy is inferiority complex. This is when a partner begins to think less of him or herself and high of the one their partner is relating with. This reason is why people usually don't get jealous when it is obvious they are better than the other counterpart.   

 Have you noticed that if you see a  roadside mechanic or the gateman with your wife, you usually don't react? But when you sight a stranger standing beside his car with your wife, even if he is just making an enquiry or asking for a direction, you get very furious.

   Another reason for jealousy is insecurity. Insecurity is simply fear of losing a partner due to uncertainty of the relationship. It is the fear of losing a relationship to someone else. In order not to, one tries to be bugging, inquisitive and overprotective. The moment a partner begins to enquire about every little detail, it could be a sign of insecurity. For instance, a woman may ask, " why did you come late today?" or where did you go to after work?"   

  As a man or woman in a relationship, to deal with a jealous partner, you must be mindful of thinking in the manner I have stated above.  

How To Deal With Relationship Jealousy And Insecurity

Many people use a lot of different approaches to try to overcome or end relationship jealousy. Unfortunately, this is unrealistic. Jealousy cannot be quenched. it can only be controlled and managed. This is why asking how to stop being a jealous partner is not the right question. The right question is, " how can I control jealousy in a relationship?"   

 Here are a few ways to deal with the problem of jealousy:   
  1. Work On Your Mindset
The first step to stop being a jealous partner is to work on your mindset. Every act of jealousy is a product of unhealthy thinking or insecurity. And such thinking is usually a product of the mind.   

 Some thoughts run through the mind when a woman sees her husband with another woman even when it is clear there is nothing fishy going on. the common ones being:

  1. Is she more beautiful than me?
  2. She's very tall and smart and I know my husband likes such people.
  3. Maybe she's independent, classy and bold.
  4. Could it be that she is more fun to be with?
 Men on the other hand usually think these ways when they see their wives with other guys:

  1. He can provide all her needs and I can't
  2. He's probably more handsome and more fun to be with than me.

Unhealthy thoughts such as these can foster jealousy in a relationship, as a result, every married couple must find a way to deal with unhealthy thinking.   
  1. Up Your Trust
As a jealous partner, building your trust helps better deal with jealousy and insecurity in a relationship.

 Distrust may not always be the reason for jealousy. However, it plays a critical role in the issue of jealousy. It is easier to solve the problem of relationship Jealousy and insecurity when there is trust than when there is distrust. This is why it is always advisable to be married to someone you trust and can continue trusting.  

  1. Increase Your self-valuation
  How do I stop being jealous and possessive? Another way is to increase your self-valuation.  

 Self valuation talks about your sense of self-worth and significance. In simple terms, it means how well you value yourself. This is imperative because many people who are overly jealous and possessive think others are better than them. 

 To develop your self-esteem, begin by learning how to love and think highly of yourself.  

  1. Build Understanding
Another way to stop being jealous and controlling in a relationship is to be a little bit more Understanding. For example, If a partner's job is such that it requires him or her to work with the opposite sex, make up your mind to show trust and understanding, as long as that partner is worth trusting.  

Is jealousy in a relationship healthy?

how to deal with a jealous partner in a relationship

 Some level of jealousy in a relationship is healthy and acceptable. It reassures a partner that they are loved and valued. When this is the case, it is healthy. Everyone wants to see that they are valued and endeared.   

 On the contrary, an extreme level of jealousy is very dangerous. It could be referred to as being over-possessive which could lead to deep emotional and physical injury. In some cases, it could even lead to death. 

How does jealousy affect relationship?

  Jealousy or insecurity has a great debilitating impact on a relationship. this is the reason it is wise for anyone–husband, wife, man, woman to learn how to deal with a person who is overly jealous. 

   Being jealous over nothing can anger a partner to the point he/she might want an end to the relationship. It can also turn a relationship from heaven on earth to hell on earth. Before these happen, there is going to be broken communication and decreasing level of intimacy until nothing more is left to keep the relationship together. Such cases might lead to suicide or death threats on a partner or the one a partner is close to which instigated the jealousy.

   These and many more are some of the negative effects of jealousy, insecurity or low self-esteem in a marriage or relationship.  

How to deal with a jealous partner in a relationship

  Jealousy, I discovered, cuts across every type of relationship, be it a mere friendship, serious relationship, marriage or even dating. Every now and then girls are finding ways to deal with a jealous, insecure boyfriend in a casual relationship and vice versa. On the other hand, those in serious relationships like marriage are seeking an easy route to dealing with a jealous and possessive partner.  

 DEALING with a partner's jealousy begins with Understanding that the man and the woman are different and as such respond differently with issues of jealousy.   

 People make the mistake of thinking that the woman is more jealous than the man, but that's not true. The woman is more insecure while the man is more jealous. Coming to terms with this truth will help better manage the problem of jealousy in any kind of relationship. 

How To Deal With A Jealous Partner In A Relationship: Man

  Seeking how to deal with a jealous guy? 

 Below are a few tips to manage a jealous man or husband: 
  1. Work on his logic
Men are logic-oriented, meaning they think through and calculate out everything. A man who sees his wife with a man may begin to think, " Is he better than I'm? Does he have more money than me? Why is she laughing, is he funny? Maybe it's because his car is finer and latest than mine."  

 All these insecure thoughts are what drive his jealousy and fuel his anger.   

 With a deep balance of emotional and logical conversation, reassure a jealous husband that what he is thinking is far from what you will ever do. Let him trust you even as you maintain a consistent and trustworthy attitude. By so doing, he won't have to be so negative whenever you stand with any man.         

2. Get him in the know 

 To deal with a jealous man, get him in the know of all vital relationships in your life and be open about them. If you have a male colleague at work you always work with, let your man know the nature of your work and the details of your meetings especially when it has to be outside the office complex. If you have a church brother who visits once in a while, your husband or fiance should be aware. He shouldn't bump into you by surprise. Sometimes suspicion and Jealousy go hand in hand.  

 Understand that jealousy arouses due to lack of information. For instance, when your husband bumps into you seated with a client in a restaurant, it doesn't matter how responsible he thinks you are, because he didn't know about that meeting, he will be jealous and suspicious.   

3. Introduce and Affirm 

 Find out the occasions he usually gets suspicious. Is it at the mall when a colleague bumps on you? Is it work-related calls or social media chats? Introduce him to these people and speak highly of him.  

How to deal with a jealous Partner In A Relationship: Woman

Is your wife overly jealous, possessive or insecure? 

Here are some vital tips to deal with and pacify her Jealousy fast:  

  1. Work on her emotions
A woman's emotion accounts for over 95 per cent of her relationship problems. Because of emotions, women take every little thing too seriously and blow situations out of proportion, hence every woman needs emotional healing.   

 Working on your wife's emotions will help her handle the problem of jealousy and brace it with maturity. 

   Communication is the key to working on her emotions. As long as you always come out clean, reassure her that your closeness with the opposite sex for whatever genuine reason it is can never be abused. Likewise, as much as you can, ensure to stay off occasions that warrant Jealousy and insecure feelings.

   While doing all these, every couple should understand that jealousy in a relationship or marriage is more severe when trust is broken.       

2. Inform Her 

like I said earlier, it is an abuse of communication when a partner is oblivion of some vital information about you. I believe that if married couples always involve each other in the things they do, where they go and who they meet, jealousy in marriage will be reduced to a great extent.         

3. Introduce and Affirm her 

 Imagine you went to the mall or park with your wife and stumbled upon an old-time female friend. If you spent all the time and attention on this old-time friend, and don't introduce your wife and make her feel important and respected, she would feel jealous.

 In a relationship, to deal with a partner who is very jealous, you have to always introduce and speak highly of her in public.


  A jealous ex, whether man or woman has no reason and absolutely no connection with you. I would say, he or she has no reason to be jealous, but sometimes, that is not the case. There was a time that when I saw some marriage pictures of my ex I got mildly jealous. 

 I believe that we still carry in us a part of those we have been intimately involved with and this is the reason for the jealous feeling, even if we are no more together with them. 

 Clearly, beyond learning how to deal with a jealous partner, we must also learn how to deal with a jealous ex.   

 To deal with and manage a jealous ex:

  1. Make the person understand that you have moved on and that they should as well
  2. Avoid places where you may likely come across the jealous ex. With time, he or she will accept reality and live with it.
  3. If such Jealousy is severe, take some drastic measures like unfriending the person on all social media platforms and bar their phone line. In a nutshell, cut off all connections.


From a deep study, I realize that people with low self-esteem,  who have suffered relationship abuse, and who seek others to complete them are likely to be very jealous, hence, it is not advisable to enter into a relationship with such people until they take ample time to heal.   

 A jealous person can change. Anyone can change from any Habit when determined. However, the kind of people I describe above will need more time to recuperate.  


Nothing in life is hidden from God. In the same way, nothing in a relationship or marriage should be elusive to us, including the signs of jealousy. The reason we are incognizant of what is happening in our relationship is that we are not very observant. 

 Below are some of the signs of unhealthy jealousy:

  • Not trusting your partner when he/she is absent.
  •  feeling uneasy and disturbed when they feel free with the opposite sex.
  • Getting uncomfortable when they mention other people.
  • Constantly checking their social media to see what they're doing.
  •  thinking they're unfaithful to you.
  • Attempting to control your partner's behaviour and force them to do your bidding.
  • Getting angry at every little thing


To summarize it all, we have already seen that the biggest challenge with jealousy is our mindset. Our mindset which propagates our thoughts is the reason most people in a relationship get very jealous and become abusive and controlling when they think in certain unhealthy ways about a partner. 

To deal with a jealous partner in a relationship, first deal with the person's mindset. 


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