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Saturday, October 17, 2020

How To Lessen The STRESS Of Being A Single Mom: Single Parent Tips

It was probably never in the plan of any woman to be a single mom. The same applies to a single dad. 

There is a sense of completion and togetherness that comes with raising kids with a partner and growing old together as a lovely couple. However, sometimes the little fantasies we have envisioned for ourselves may be faced with some challenges beyond our control.

single mom

When issues and challenges in a marriage become unbearable and divorce becomes inevitable or when a woman has lost all her hope of becoming a wife especially when she begins to veer towards the peak line of old age, then resorting to a single parent becomes an option.


Because I am a lover of children, etched on the surface of my heart is a passion to see that children are well raised. As a result, I wouldn’t want single moms to make the mistake of raising children in an unenlightened and uninformed state. That would mean trading the destiny, emotional stability, and sanity of children.

This is why this article is packed with a few universal tips and guides that every single or to-be single parent must bear in mind in this overwhelming phase of life.

There are a few things all single moms must bear in mind which I have enlisted in two categories.

1.1.    Mommy’s Responsibilities to self

2.2.   Mommy’s responsibilities to the kids



Being in a situation where you have to raise kids does not mean the forfeiture of a personal life. You can keep track of your personal life as a single parent while mixing it with the inevitable responsibilities that come with raising children.

Attempting therefore to create a balance between social and parenting life is essential to parenting as a single mom or a single dad.

To this effect, every single mother owes herself the following responsibilities;



Perhaps you have a few kids to take care of, domestic chores to do, and maybe one or more jobs to manage which can be very demanding. Don’t let them take a toll on you. You are not under any obligation to have all the chores done in one day.

You can lighten up your burdens by scheduling house chores, having a relative help you out, or better still employ a help who you pay a few dollars to run some errands for you.

Being a single mommy is a lot. You have to realize that you are in for a dual role—the role of a father who provides and that of a mother who manages the home and welfare of the kids.

Having this in mind, if you don’t find easy ways to get things done, you just might be calling for insanity.


Check out what Emma Johnson of wealthysinglemommy in her article " How to be a single mom" said;

Single mothers are capable of leading happy, abundant lives and families, regardless of how their families are structured.


Also a single dad who is working multiple jobs to meet up with kids needs have to also take things easy on himself.  


I talked about the possibility of going insane if you don’t find ways to balance the dual responsibilities of being a single parent.

In other not to run mad because of the plethora of things that need to be done while parenting, adequate planning can serve as a cushion that absorbs all the stress and demands that accompany single parenting.

You have to plan all of your appointments from domestic chores to office work, to doctor’s appointments, to social activities, kids' academic-related needs, shopping, and a whole more. 

 You should schedule everything you have to do per week and set a reminder with your phone to keep all your activities on track. You can as well use the to-do list to map out everything that needs to be done per time.

Doing all these can save you from any unforeseen or unimaginable stress.        


When most people become single mom, they tend to shut the door at many other things including their purpose, personal ambition or goals, yet these are some of the things that will create the balance and mental stability they’re seeking.

The quickest way to get frustrated parenting alone is when you focus solely on raising the kids and managing the home.

 But when you commit to chasing your dreams and achieve your personal goals, they can give you some really good relief and satisfaction. You’ll meet people, colleagues, or teams who can play a significant role in your quest for happiness, and stability.

While setting and chasing your dreams and goals as a single mother, bear in mind that you no longer have a partner who can help you with the family so you can set higher goals and still achieve them. However, now that you’re a solo player, what you might want to do is adjust your goals. Start by setting easy and realistic goals within your reach. Over the years as the kids grow, you can up your goals and still achieve them.

Also, do not hesitate to trash any unrealistic or insignificant goal. With a baby to look after and other important things you have to singularly manage, you don’t want to use your limited time in an unfruitful pursuit.

Also, just because you are a single parent with many responsibilities does not mean you can't achieve great goals. Don’t make the mistake of undermining your ability to achieve a whole lot as a single mother or a single dad.


Don’t turn yourself into a machine. You are not a superwoman. Even if you are, superwomen get tired at times. If you don’t believe me, ask superman?

You have domestic works to do, kids to manage, office stuff to do, and targets to meet at the workplace, including errands, children’s Homework, and many more. It is easy to make your life revolve around all these and disconnect from other things. No! don’t do that. You are not a workaholic machine.

You need to learn to make out time to have fun with your kids and give them a social life.  Spend time enjoying your hobbies and having fun with friends and family. There is nothing wrong with being a  single mom dating and catching up with life. Every single must learn how to live a fulfilled single life.

If the chores become too demanding, ask for help from someone you can call a true friend or relative.


A whole lot goes away when you become a single parent. You no longer have your team mate or partner who can help take care of things while you take a break and take care of yourself.

As a mother, you can get so busy that sometimes you get overwhelmed by chores that you forget to care for and nurture yourself. Some mothers even forget that there is something called FOOD in the house  to eat.

But how can you raise and nurture your kids under such circumstance—with a stinking and rough hair, pimple-infested face, wrinkled skin, and an aged-look. All these are the fate of a mother who eschews self-care.

Taking care of yourself is one of the most significant responsibilities you owe to yourself. Whether you are the first to wake up or the cry of a baby wakes you very early in the morning, one of the first things you can do is take care of yourself and get ready for the kids.

While you take care of your physical self, you can also make out time for other things like reading a book, your bible, watch a movie, or catch up with a favorite TV show.

No matter what child-raising demands from you, ensure you make out time every day to take care of your own self and personal needs.


One popular advice people get especially after a divorce or a failed relationship is, “One way to get over him is to start dating again as soon as possible.”

Isn’t it rather hilarious how everyone quickly expects you to resume dating again? Such advice or expectation may mean well but too soon for a single mom who has a lot on her mind.

If you are a single mother dating this early, a lot can happen that may turn out to be a loss for both you and the kids.

Instead of dating too early, see your current state as a God-given opportunity to build wholeness, self-love, high self-esteem, and self-awareness so that  when you decide to date or possibly find yourself in a relationship, you would’ve already cushioned yourself from any emotional torture that may result if the relationship didn’t work out.

 If you suffer the downside of emotion, how can you take care of the kids? You may rather be tempted to pour your frustrations and heartbreaks on the kids.


One other thing you can do when you decide to date is to keep your dating low-key. Don’t introduce your kids to anyone you are dating unless you can truly see a future with that person.

You might be tempted to speed up an ordinary dating affair into a fully-fledged relationship because you need all the emotional and financial support you can lay your hands on. That would be devastating sooner than you expect.

Also, as a single mother dating or a single father, don’t allow your emotions to take a toll on you. You have to be in charge and put things under control even if you are dating the nicest, richest, and most handsome or most pretty person in the universe.


It is true that in the global society a lot of stigmas follow being a single mother or a single dad.  Such stigma is especially hard on the woman.  No matter what it is, be a proud single mom. Contrary to what is popularly believed, It is not just a man’s world; it is a woman’s world as well.

Be prepared to face heartless people who are going to judge you. Some may be subtle in doing this by asking some annoying and intrusive questions such as, why are you single? are you dating?  how are you able to take care of your kids? Some would even dare to ask you about your sex life or tell it to your face; “you shouldn’t have allowed yourself to get pregnant.”

No matter what it is, don’t be angry, don’t be ashamed, and don’t be afraid; if you do, you may give your mocker the satisfaction they desire.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You are not answerable to anyone, so you don’t have to answer their questions. If the questions become too intrusive, ask them to mind their business.

Learn to be a proud single parent and be happy that your life, your kids’ and your goals are working as planned.

If you allow what people say to you get to you, chances are that you’ll turn out to be a bad single mom to the kids. You will begin to blame them for all the insult you receive on a daily basis. You wouldn't want to invite these 5 dangerous effects of bad parenting.


Now that you are abreast with everything you have to do for yourself, the real business is actually the responsibilities you owe to your kids.


Raising a child alone can be some worth co-parenting.  It can involve taking turns of a child’s custody with an ex.

When it was you and your partner, it was easier meeting the needs of the kids, but now that you are a solo parent, a lot has to change as well as expenditures. You may not be able to meet the entire needs of a child anymore.

One thing that can happen is, you may feel unloved and unappreciated when the kids visit your ex and come back to you expressing how happy they are  because of how your ex provided them with a lot of things they do not get from you. As kids, they can naturally be drawn to your ex leaving you feeling like all your efforts are not appreciated.

In such a situation, you may be tempted to start throwing tantrums around and saying things you shouldn't say to your kids. You might also go the extreme to not cater, nurture, and manage the home like the loving mother you used to be.


Don’t give in to those temptations. One thing you must realize about kids is that as long as they are still kids, they go along with who gratifies their most desires.  However, as they mature, they realize who actually makes the greater sacrifice for them. By that time, money and the luxuries of life do not matter to them anymore.

The kids may not be appreciative in the time being, but you can derive hope and happiness knowing that a time will come when they’ll grow up to be the loving, appreciative, respectful, and compassionate adults.


I have already made it very clear that being a single mom or a single dad can be very daunting. Sometimes a parent can get so wedged up in her duty of parenting that she forgets to have fun and play around with her kids.

If you can’t find time to play with your kids even though you manage the home—sweep, clean up, do the dishes and fold all the clothes you are not doing a great job and you are not a good parent. You can’t be included in the list of exceptionally great parents when the only need you meet is managing home alone. You need to meet the emotional needs of your children as well. No one can bond with your kids on your behalf. You need to be intentional about sensitive things like this and make out time for them.

Realize that your kids can still love you whether you do all the house chores or not or whether you wear them dirty clothes or not, but not bonding with them is the easiest way to lose their love.

You might be proud of being able to keep your house spotlessly clean with never a dirty dish to be seen or a piece of unfolded clothing around. But if you never play with your kids, are you really doing a good job?

It’s true you have a lot to do in a day, but sometimes, those things can wait—the laundries, dishes, cleaning can wait. Take a break to play games, dance, sing, and even watch their favorite TV series with them.


It is a common occurrence that most times children may have a few important things to say, but because we are all caught up with chores, we only give them a half ear. This is not the kind of listening I’m suggesting.

You should as a matter of fact connect with your kids through one-on-one personal conversation. Sit down, shut your mouth, open your ears, and listen to what they have to say. 

You can go a step further to observe your children if maybe there is something bothering them they want to say but do not know how to. Sometimes, children, say things as jokes but we just laugh over them, make light of it, and waive it. That is not a healthy way to raise children.

Whether they talk about your ex or have questions to ask, or whether they want to say something about their education or about a teacher in school, it is your duty to hear them out.

In case you are a single mother dating, they might want to know things about whoever it is you are dating, ensure you have answers for them.

Every parent—single mother, single father, or  couples must realize that just as adults, children have feelings they want to express and love tanks they desire to be filled which is your utmost responsibility if you really desire to keep them emotionally stable.




  Thank You 

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