Going out on a first date can be so scary and frustrating since we
are meeting an entirely different person who probably has some level of
expectations of us. However, if adequate preparations are made, there would be
no need for the fear of flunking.
In this article, allow me to help you make preparations the easiest and best way possible in all areas including what to do, what to talk about, what to expect, tips for girls and guys, and many more.
Consider this article virtually all you need to know about
first date for a memorable, exciting, and fearless first date experience for
adults and teenagers.
The following points are considered for this article;
1. What is first date?
2. What to expect on a first
date
2.1
What guys expect
2.2
What girls expect
3. What to talk about on a
first date
4. What not to talk about
5. What to do on a first date
5.1
What to do on a first date
with a girl
5.2
What to do on a first date
with a guy
6. First date tips
6.1
First date tips for girls
6.2
First date tips for guys
7. Sex on the first date
8. First date advice for teens
WHAT IS FIRST DATE?
First date is the first intentional meeting initiated by two
parties with an element of location and time for a predetermined purpose and
full of expectations. There is no dating relationship that does not have a
purpose.
In my post “The 3 dangerous types of 21st-century dating that can ruin your life” I enumerated some of the different types of dating and the
purpose for each.
It is very important and advisable to understand what dating
really is so you’ll completely be ready for what you’re getting into and the
best way to approach it.
WHAT TO EXPECT ON A FIRST DATE
Expectation is key on a first date. When you know what to expect
from someone and what they expect from you, you can easily impress them and get
them impressed about you as well.
You will almost not have a successful first date without some
level of significant expectation that cuts across character, dressing, manner,
intellectuality and morality just to mention a few.
Since men and women are logical and emotional respectively, they
have different levels of expectations. Some of which are;
WHAT GUYS EXPECT ON A FIRST DATE
Some of the things a guy expects from a girl on a first date are;
- Dress Smart: First impression matters. Your looks determine people’s
affirmation of you. You actually teach someone how to treat you by how you
treat yourself. If you love yourself and want to be respected, learn to dress
well and responsibly.
- Loosen Up: Don’t bond with the chair, bond with the moment and enjoy every
bit of it. Smile, laugh, crack jokes if the need be. There is no need to be
shy.
- Be engaging: Men don’t talk much. They expect you to do most of the talking. So
be engaging and avoid non-interactive questions having just “yes” or “no”
answers.
- Be Real: Men are very smart. They
are logical so be real. They know when you are pretending and when you are not.
- Good Conducts: You don’t have to greet everybody you know or break conversations
at intervals just to engage with others. Also, control your appetite for food and the temptation to place a request on everything you see.
- Be Affirmative: I don’t believe women love to be affirmed than men. We all love it
equally, so give it to men as much as you can.
- Show high moral values: A man may want to lure you or test your morality on various
levels. If you fall, he’ll take advantage of it. If you don’t, he’ll respect
you and may end up marrying you.
- Show dependence: You may have all the money in the world as a woman, but never you
deflate the ego of a man by showing him you can foot the bills. Allow the man
be in charge and show appreciation. Allow him to make most of the decisions.
These and many more are what guys expect on a first date.
WHAT GIRLS EXPECT ON A FIRST DATE
As a man, don't suck in these areas. Girls expect these from you.
- Talk less: women are verbose, so they don’t like a competitor. Talk like a
gentleman but powerfully and interestingly, not authoritatively.
- Be in control: Women hate weaklings. If you must woo a woman on a first date, you
must be in charge. Choose a nice spot, pay the bills, show smartness, wisdom
and make her feel safe with you.
- Dress Smartly: Most women would want to date you as often as possible because
they love seeing your outfit. They would brag about you and introduce you to
everyone.
- Affirmation: Women are generally moved by what they hear. She wants you to
appreciate her looks or anything of interest about her.
- Be loaded: Money rocks, so it’s not bad for a woman to expect that you are
financially comfortable. Man-up and make a decent earning. Ensure it’s legal
though.
- Exceed Expectation: Women like to be wowed and to do that, you have to go the extra
mile. If you have any foreknowledge about her you might want to use it to your
advantage. By prior phone conversations, you might get some useful information
like if she is intellectual, humorous, or playful. Also, most people don’t give gifts on a first
date, you can leverage that as well.
- Respect Her: Every woman is moved by love and tender care. The second thing
that moves a woman is respect. Unfortunately, there are just a few men who give
this.
- Be curious: Most women love the company of a man who truly wants to know them.
So ask reasonable questions and get her talking. Check out my post “10 critical questions you should neverskip on a first date”
- Be Real: The primary essence of dating is to have true knowledge of each other. If you pretend while on a date, you just might be hiding that part of you that someone is really interested in.
WHAT TO TALK ABOUT ON A FIRST DATE
To have a memorable dating experience, you must plan. And among what
to plan for are the things to talk about.
There are a wide variety of things you can discuss on your first
date ranging from critical to non-critical subjects.
The mistake most people make during dating is to leave out
critical discussions on the early periods of dating only to bring it up when
they are emotionally involved. Now it becomes difficult to make certain
critical decisions without hurting
someone's feeling.
Having critical conversations on a first date has a lot of
advantages.
Firstly, you don’t have to waste your time with people who are not
thinking like you. And secondly, it speeds up your chances of meeting the right
person for you.
I believe that only the unserious people, who want to take
advantage of you, would not want to have more serious conversational topics with
you.
Some major critical things to talk about on a first date especially if you are dating for marriage are;
a) Religion
This is very critical. So many people have had what was once a great relationship destroyed because of religious disagreements. There are so many religions in the world; it is therefore only fair to know which your date belongs to and his mentality about his religion.
I have come to understand that one thing people are sacrosanct about and hold
in high esteem is their religion. You don't want to end up with a religious
fanatic whose religion contradicts yours.
When you know about your date’s religion, it helps you make better
future decisions based on the standards you have set.
In a case where both parties share entirely different religions,
the least you can do is build a friendship that can benefit other areas of life
such as career, education, self-development and more.
b) Purpose
Whether you like it or not, everybody has at least one reason for
living. It is your responsibility, as a result, to find out this reason for
living even on the first date.
You don’t want to end up with somebody only to discover the person
is an armed robber or a prostitute.
Many responsible people have a purpose in life which they are even eager to disclose.
If you ever dated anyone who always shies away from the question of
purpose, then it is an indicator that such a person does not have a life’s
blueprint and as such may likely not have any future aspirations.
This is not the kind of person you want to waste your time with no matter how
well dressed and money-loaded he or she looks.
Also knowing someone’s purpose can help you know if it's going to align with yours in the long run. The last thing you want to do is to end up with someone whose purpose will suffocate yours.
c) Career
I watched a movie about a man who told a girl he works in an oil and gas company only for the girl to discover a few weeks later he was a filling station attendant.
When the girl questioned his actions, the man responded “filling station is
in the oil and gas industry. What you didn’t ask me was the kind of job I do
and my position in the company.”
You see what I mean?
A lot of people are deceived this way because they do not delve
deep into matters like this.
The reason the girl was cheaply deceived was that she didn’t have any
meaningful conversation with the man over his career.
Discussing careers on a first date is very important. It makes one
decide if he or she can cope under a given career condition or not.
d)
Future ambition
A wife told her husband “But you never told me you would become a
pastor someday. How can you leave a very lucrative job to become a pastor?”
It sounds like a joke, right? But such things actually
happen.
Some people only go on dates just for what they can gain today but
never care about long-term ambitions.
It is important to discuss future ambitions on a first date. It is
the easiest and fastest way to tell your date you care about his
or her future as well as his or her present. It also saves you from
so many unwanted and uncalled-for surprises of the future like the story
of the pastor and his wife.
Most people have ended up with people who turned out to become
what they never bargained for all because they skip this meaning area of
discourse.
e)
Personality
You may not know everything about a person on a first date but
asking meaningful questions like Personality types can go a long way to help
you make better judgments based on your own personality too.
Some people are Melancholic, meaning that they are
well reserved and are deep thinkers. They read meaning into almost everything
you say. A single word to describe them is a perfectionist.
Those with a phlegmatic personality type are
strong and easy-going people. They are not emotional and can cope with any
situation. They can manage even the toughest people on earth and are not moved
by the way you treat them.
The sanguine type of personality involves wordy and
verbose people. They talk a lot and can also be the life of the party. They are
very active and have great social skills.
Finally, the choleric personality type are
extroverts. They are highly ambitious and like doing things to keep themselves
busy. They are goal-driven people and can be violent at times.
What do you think is your personality type? Can you tell from what
you have read the personality type(s) you can cope with?
These are some of the things you have to consider before taking
your dating relationship to another level.
f) Background
Do you know that one way to know if a person is genuine is
by their interest in your background?
Your first date can be a platform to reveal how your relationship with your family is. It tells
people how positive and family-oriented you are. People would want to know
if there is an issue between you and your family and what the reasons are.
Asking questions that
relate to background lets your date perceive you as one who values family which
is a win for you.
One reason you should
not skip this area is that you may get to understand a person's
relationship with his family whether it is healthy or not and by so doing
should be able to make an informed decision based on the impression you have
about the person.
WHAT NOT TO TALK ABOUT ON A FIRST DATE
While there is a whole lot
you can discuss on a first date, there are a plethora of things you
should never discuss too. It is not because they are bad for discussion
or are not interesting conversational topics but because discussing
them too early may leave a certain impression about you.
When a date begins to have
some bad impression about you because of some
conversions you initiate, you may never have the opportunity at another
date with that person. He or she will lose trust in you and label you
as a negative and desperate person even if you mean no harm.
To avoid all these, some of
the things you should never discuss especially if you are dating for marriage
are;
- Sex: Sex before marriage is sinful. It shows you lack self-control. There
is no one both men and women who wouldn’t die to have a person who has
temperance. Even those who lack moral values love those who have it.
- Money: don’t ask a guy how much he earns on a first date. That’s clear desperation.
- Ex-relationships: It is the first date, avoid every discussion that has to do with
your past relationships. It would mean being too open and forward.
- Love: Even if you’re in desperate search of true love, don’t discuss
love on a first date. If someone understands your desperate need for love, he
or she may take advantage of it. Allow love
to flow naturally. Check out my post “howto find the right person that truly loves you”
- Marriage: Marriage may be your end goal for dating, but don’t start with it.
- Parenting: You’re not even in a relationship and you’re talking about parenting.
Parenting is a serious topic of discussion and should be left for later.
- Kids: Never ask a person on a first date how many kids he/she would
love to have.
WHAT TO DO ON A FIRST DATE
Going on a first date doesn’t have to end with having a great
discussion. It might be a first date, but there are still many things you can
do to make it seem like you’ve known each other for ages.
Check this out.
- Ask her engaging questions and get her talking
- Surprise her. Take her to places she’d never been
- Play games while conversing as well.
- Rehearse great jokes before the date and joke around with her
- Engage in a fun and simple activity with her e.g. going to the piano/music bar, dancing together
- Go on a long drive
- Go to a carnival, museum or an art gallery, or walk through a park, go to the beach or attend a concert.
- Tell really good and interesting stories
- Find a few topics to deliberate on after the more serious conversation. Talk about the things you love and find out what the other person loves as well.
- Eat together
FIRST DATE TIPS
In this section, I have provided first date tips in three
different categories; general dating tips for both girls and guys and specific dating tips for girls and for guys.
The general tips go for both guys and girls. They both need them to woo each other. On other hand, the specific dating tips are exclusively.
Check them out….
GENERAL FIRST DATE TIPS
- Be prepared
- Have clear expectations
- Take a good rest before the day
- Dress smartly
- Be abreast with topics of discussion
- Don’t wear anything that discomforts.
- Be yourself. Don’t try to pretend
- Don’t go on a date feeling very hungry
- Be in control of your body language
- Brainstorm ways to add fun
FIRST DATE TIPS FOR GIRLS
- Be in your right frame of mind
- Don’t act desperately
- Pick a perfect and comfortable outfit
- Wear a great smile
- Drop your pride
- Engage in the conversation
- Don’t eat heavily
- Drink and act responsibly
- Give affirmations if and when necessary
- Conceal your emotions
- Don’t express your disappointment
- Don’t be shy
- Hug alone. Don’t kiss
FIRST DATE TIPS FOR GUYS
- Dress smartly
- Be in charge
- Give genuine affirmations
- Don’t be authoritative
- Drink responsibly
- Talk less
- Wear a great smile
- Be real
- Be in your best state of mind
- Don’t express your disappointment if you are.
- Follow up after the date
SEX ON THE FIRST DATE
I know of a number of people who were never giving a second date all
because they gave in to sex on the first date.
I also know of people who were given a second date, third, fourth, in
fact as long as they can offer sex. They ended up being disappointed because no
man wants to settle with a lady who doesn’t have respect for her body or
morality.
First date sex is the easiest way to break what would’ve turned
into a fully-fledged relationship.
Men are very observant and logical. They think faster than women. The moment you sell in so cheaply, they'll take advantage of it and will never take you seriously. To them, the love lasts as long as the sex lasts.
FIRST DATE ADVICE FOR TEENS
Teenagers are a very delicate and sensitive set of people to deal
with. Most parents have attempted to stop their teenage boys and girls from
dating but ended up wondering why they have not really succeeded.
You can never be successful at stopping teenagers from dating. At that
age, their hormones are very active and ready for explorations, so any further
attempts to stop them may end up pushing them away for the worse. However,
there are smarter ways to manage a teen. One of which is the giving of great
advice.
Some advice I would recommend for teens on a first date are;
- Don’t let loose your emotions
- Control your thoughts
- Build friendship
- Avoid sex-based discussions
- Avoid secret dating and practice open dating
- Don’t stay alone in a room all by yourselves
- Engage in meaningful conversations
- Find out how best you can help each other become better
- Moderate your frequency of going on a dating
- Don’t rush things
- Trust yourself
- End the date if the person is a bad influence.
CONCLUSION
Understanding these first date tips for guys and girls as well as things to do and talk about on a first date is all you need to enjoy an exciting moment with a date as you go out.
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