at THE COACH TOUCH, we discovered that many ideologies about Dating, Relationship, Marriage, and Parenting revolving around the internet are unhealthy for consumption; a big reason many are perplexed and dissatisfied. THE COACH TOUCH WANTS TO TEACH YOU HOW TO DATE, BUILD A GREAT RELATIONSHIP AND MAKE A FANTASTIC MARRIAGE OUT OF IT, AND FINALLY, LEAD YOU THROUGH A SEAMLESS PARENTING JOURNEY AFTER MARRIAGE. This VISION is the rationale behind our FREE Coaching, Counseling, and Guest Speaking.

Friday, October 22, 2021

A Difficult Partner? 5 Tricks To SAVE Your Marriage After An Affair

How to Save Your Marriage After An Affair

You can and I know it. AVOID infidelity at all cost. Cheating on your spouse damages a lot, to the extent even if you know how to save your marriage after an affair, things may never return back to normal. It's hard work to get over cheating and stay together like nothing of such ever happened. Sadly, married couples who are not willing to work hard seek a divorce. Consequently, divorce is the result of not being able to put in the hard work of building a successful relationship after cheating.   

In this article, you will learn the best way to fix a marriage after infidelity. In addition, you will learn some tips and tricks on how to build intimacy, love and trust again.
how to mend your marriage after infidelity

Common Causes of Extramarital Affairs: Why Affairs Happen

All things being equal, indiscipline is the major cause of infidelity. Many people who cheat on those they love,  could not just overcome their irrational feelings. Instead of investing their emotions in their marriage, they share them with someone outside. Many acts of unfaithfulness are advertent and that is why cheaters always cheat again.   

One question that always gets asked is, is it true that once a cheat is always a cheat? For someone who cheats intentionally, it could be true.  

On the other hand, all things being unequal, many things could lead to extramarital affairs. The common ones are: 
  1. Lack of quality time: Because you don't spend quality time with your partner, he/she will enjoy the company of someone who does.
  2. Quarrels and fights: Everyone loves peace. When a partner can't get it inside, he'll look for it outside.
  3. Sexual starvation: Unable to satisfy one's sexual needs could lead to infidelity. Study shows that men with micropenis and women with sagging vaginas are likely to get cheated on. Also, when a couple doesn't have sex regularly, could lead to sexual starvation.
  4. Lack of effective communication: women are word-driven. Anyone who knows how to affirm your wife and tell her sweet things may likely snatch her from you.
  5. Incontinence: Many people lack self-control. They want to get gratified all the time regardless of who is involved.
  A spouse's inability to fulfil his/her marital obligations are fulfilled is why cheating is very common in marriage.  

How can I save my marriage after infidelity and lying?: How To Save Your Marriage After An Affair

Due to the seriousness attached to cheating, people ask if it is possible to save a marriage after infidelity.    
Well, whether it's an emotional affair or full-blown infidelity, here is how to save your marriage from divorce. 
  1. Expect it
To save your marriage after an affair, expect an affair. It's unrealistic the way married folks expect each other to be perfect. They place their hopes and trust on each other so high. This is why when the unexpected happens, they get broken so bad.  But when you don't expect so much from a partner, when unfaithfulness happens, you can easily mend your broken heart. 

  2. Dig deep

If it's in the habit of a partner, no matter how deep you dig to fathom the reasons he cheats, you may not find any reason you can hold on to, to mend the relationship. But when it's the case of a good partner who was just vulnerable, digging deep through interaction can make you see reasons to forgive and not seek a divorce. 

  3. Mix emotion and logic 

It is common amongst People who get cheated on to act too emotionally. They cast off their sense of reasoning. In extreme cases could kill or commit suicide. This is insane. 

To start over again after infidelity, your decisions must be mixed with both logic and emotion. Calm down and take time to weigh the pros and cons of your actions before you take them.

  1. Don't be sentimental
If you know you were a part of the reason a partner cheated, accept it. I know no excuse is reasonable enough to warrant cheating. But accepting the role you played that leads to infidelity and working on it will help in rebuilding your marriage after infidelity.

  1. Accept apology
When an apology is genuine, especially when the act is unintentional, it is wise to accept it. We all make mistakes. Understand that you could be the victim here. Forgiveness is not weakness or foolishness. It is a gift we owe to everyone who offends us. Don't pile up yours. Give them away.   

  How To Help My Wife Heal After I Cheated

"how to save my marriage after I cheated on my wife." 

Is He/She Difficult? 5 Tricks To SAVE Your Marriage After An Affair

Cheating comes easy. But everyone who has been cheated on knows recovering from hurt is not easy. For a man, these hurts and disappointment are not too heavy as compared to women because of their strong emotional stance. Some women could get so sickly that most men begin to ask, "  what can a husband do to save his marriage after an affair?"    

To save your marriage after you cheated on your wife, consider the following tips:  

  1. She may say many annoying and disconnected things out of anger, don't react. Understand she has every right to be angry especially when you know how faithful she has been to you.
  1. Don't buy her apology gifts yet. It will pass the wrong signal. It could leave her believing you cheat intentionally just to compensate with gifts. Some wives may not accept any gift as a result. Beyond the gift, a woman wants her husband.
  1. Give her space to calm. When she is calm, approach her and explain how vulnerable you were. Then tender a heartful apology and show genuine remorse. Make sure apology becomes your best policy all through the week.
  1. Take a break from work if you can and spend quality time with your wife. Serve her breakfast in bed, assist in domestic chores.
  1. Finally, take her out on many dates and surprise her with some gifts. That thing she's been asking for that you've refused to provide. This is the time to do it.

How To Help My Husband Heal After I Cheated

"How can I save my marriage after I cheated on my husband?"   

A woman who is cheated on feels very hurt and betrayed. But for a man, he feels hurt and rage. He's angry both at the man and his wife. He can't imagine that another man dished out of his plate of meal. This is why pleasing husbands after infidelity does not come so easy, considering how logical men are. 

   Let me see how I can make it easy for you: 
  1. Explain your vulnerability. Let him know it was never in your intent. Tell him that ever since you find it hard to recover from the incident. Let your husband know even though you were susceptible, you had absolutely no right to do that.
  2. Don't argue with him even if his negligence led you to cheat on him. Accept all he says and let him calm before speaking with him at every point in time.
  3. Most wives don't gift their husbands. This is an opportunity to buy something nice for him. Taking him out on a date will be an added advantage as well. Good gifts in addition to Being remorseful can please an angry husband.

I No Longer Love My Husband After He Cheated: What to do

  "how to love your husband after he cheated. " and, "How to get over a cheating husband and divorce."

Is He/She Difficult? 5 Tricks To SAVE Your Marriage After An Affair

After people get cheated on, there are a number of reasons why some don't want to seek a divorce. Shame, fear of not remarrying, children and religious doctrines are some of the reasons. Even if the love is no longer there, they find ways to rejuvenate it. This reality is mainly heavy on women.

To love and get over a husband who cheated takes time. There are a few things you have to do: 
  1. Enquire how and why: Sometimes when a partner cheats, it may not be entirely his fault. It could be that you pushed him to that point. Maybe he needed more sex that you could not afford or you nag and quarrel a lot making the house unconducive for him. When you try to see things from his perspective, coupled with a sincere apology on his part, Intimacy and deep connection may result.
  2. Absorb his remorse: love is mainly what the heart feels and sincerity is one tool that promotes love. If a partner is very remorseful and you can see it, you may be driven to revive your love for him.     
  3. Recall Why you love him    
  4. Go on a series of dates with him     
  5. Travel out for fun and recreation with him   

How Can I Trust My Cheating Husband Again?

"trust-building exercises for couples after infidelity"

  When infidelity happens and a partner apologizes, if you are kind enough to forgive, does it end there? What is the proof that you've actually forgiven a partner's marital unfaithfulness? Let's say you manage to save your marriage after an affair. But what next? 

   The mistake many married folks make is in thinking that forgiveness equals trust. No. It doesn't. One thing is to forgive and another thing is to trust again. Until it gets to the point where you can trust again, the reunion is miles apart. True intentions seek to hide behind deceptive words, smile, laughter, and happiness at such a stage. Only trust-building exercises can bring the scattered pieces of the heart together like before. Unfortunately, wives are major victims.   

Infidelity is common amongst husbands causing wives to keep  asking, " how can I trust my cheating husband again?"   This question is not as simple as many people may think. More pieces of information are required to get satisfactory answers. For instance, if a man cheats habitually, and without remorse, it will be difficult to trust him again unless there is genuine repentance. However, if it's just a stray from usual behaviour, here are a few ways to trust him again:
  1. Understand trust is a choice: how do you know you trust him when he has not cheated? What makes you think you can't trust him now? Trust is a choice. As long as there is a sincere apology, you can always trust it again. We trust not because people are perfect, but because it is what we owe our partner.
  2. Allow him to explain himself: don't let your hurt feeling get in the way that you refuse to listen. He could have genuine reasons for his action. He could be drugged or forced with a gun on his head ( hahahaha). You never can tell.
  3. Give him the benefit of doubt: after a genuine apology, give him the benefit of doubt. That means to trust him again.
  4. See his remorse: if you see how remorseful he is, putting all sentiments aside, you could see reasons to trust him again.
  5. Consider how faithful he has been all these years: if you can think through his faithfulness all these years, you'll realize he's not a devil. He is worth another chance of trust.
  6.  Find out what made him cheat on you: in doing this, you may discover it wasn't his intention. Ask your spouse a few questions. Give him reasons to explain himself.   

After Infidelity Should I Divorce Or Stay?

 " How can he cheat on you? He doesn't deserve you. Just walk away. There are better people out there waiting to worship the ground you walk on."  Easier said without experience.

One mistake many married people make in attempting to save a marriage after an affair is consulting with the wrong people.   

To me, a better person to render some pieces of advice on divorce issues should be one who has experienced a divorce. Even a marriage counsellor who is not a divorcee may not be fit.  

Divorce hurts more than even the hurt you feel after infidelity. This is why moving on with your life after infidelity is not advisable. It not only damages you, but it also damages the children as well. You've heard about emotional instability in children or the consequences of a child growing up without a father or mother figure; divorce is the prime cause. Many people suffer depression and lose a sense of self-worth and self-value after divorce. Some people due to societal stigmatization, commit suicide.   

Divorce is not something to seek. Don't make any rash decisions just because of the current hurt you feel. Take time and allow things to fall back to normal again.   

How To Get Over Infidelity Pain

Is He/She Difficult? 5 Tricks To SAVE Your Marriage After An Affair

Does infidelity pain ever go away? Of cause yes. You can start over again after being hurt by a cheating partner.

Time, they say is the greatest healer. It heals emotional pains that no amount of money or doctors prescription can. But before time starts, what can you do in addition to help time?  

  1. Spend time alone. Leave home for a few days. Let the cheat know you need some time alone. This is important because the presence of a cheating lover can irritate you even more.
  1. If you are a Christian, nobody can be a better consoler than Jesus Christ. Talk to Him in prayer about your pains, attend church activities and hear God's word. Before long, you'll begin to recover from your hurt.
  1. Channel your thoughts, focus, time and attention on other things. Do you have a dream, pursue it. Do you want to join a group or sign up for any kind of vocation? This is the right time to do it. You can even travel or go on vacations alone or with any friend of yours.

How to Respond If You Were the One Cheated On.

  When cheating happens, the betrayed one often becomes the king. Even if she was regarded as a puppy or doormat initially, her wings grows. She's now the one in charge. She would scold, shout and rain all sorts of abuses,  courtesy of her rage.   

While throwing tantrums around is natural for anyone who gets cheated on, sometimes it could cause more harm to the relationship especially when one intends to save his or her marriage.  

Rebuilding a marriage after infidelity demands a different approach. No one can deny that unfaithfulness in a marriage hurts, but we can't also deny that attitude is everything.   

 I believe a more mature response will get better results than just shouting and cussing. The words we say can jeopardize a lot that even after reconciliation, things may never be the same again. In addition, it could hike contention, dissent and promote verbal attacks between a couple.    

A better way to respond is, " Call your partner who cheated, seat him down and express your grievances gently. Say, " I'm very angry with you and you know that. You can't imagine the hurt you've caused me." You could leave home for a few days to clear your head if you want to.  

One mistake you shouldn't make is starving a spouse sexually just to spite him or her. You will make things worse.    

11QUESTIONS To Save Your Marriage After An Affair

After the case of infidelity is discovered, before throwing tempers around, ask the right questions. Unavoidably, saving your marriage after an affair starts with some good questioning sessions.   

Here are 11 questions to ask a partner who cheated: 
  1. Do you love the person you cheated on me with?
  2. Why did you do it?
  3. Were you vulnerable at that time?
  4. Frankly, did you feel guilty?
  5. How long have you been seeing this person?
  6. Did you struggle to cheat?
  7. How often did you guys meet in a week?
  8. Have you always wanted to cheat?
  9. Did you two ever talk about me?
  10. Were you unsatisfied with our sex life?
  11. Did you think about me?


In summary, it's advisable to stick with your spouse and not to cheat. This is because learning how to save your marriage after an affair is a hard job. In most cases, spouses seek a divorce.    


If you find this helpful, Consider Subscribing by Email

Share AND Comment 

Thank you... 


1 comment:

  1. It is an excellent blog, I have ever seen. I found all the material on this blog utmost unique and well written. And, I have decided to visit it again and again. Funny Quotes About Stupidity And ignorance