Have you ever wondered what to do on a date? Perhaps you’re going on a first date and you have many questions in your head and you're confused on how to process everything.
I remember many
years ago when I started learning how to date. Oftentimes, I would think of
what to say but couldn’t say enough. Many times when I recalled what to say, I didn’t
know how to say them, and even when I knew the things to say and how to say
them, I didn’t know the right engaging moment or time to say them. I struggled in all of these until I was
educated.
Also, when it came to how to act, I was a complete novice until I found that there is a way to act when you go out on a date that will deliver
the most charm and triggers a great admiration.
Have you ever gone
on a date and after which regretted it because of the dull moments and
moody atmosphere you created? Don’t feel bad. It happens to everybody. Many have
sucked at it many times until they learned.
This article is
packed with deep, yet, simple and quick insights on what to do on a date.
DEFINE
YOUR TYPE OF DATING?
The question as to
what to do on your first date and probably understanding the questions to ask on a first date and how to answer them as well cannot be answered without
first answering the question" what kind of dating are you getting
into?"
Every person has a
certain expectations whether in terms of the actions or talking style put out by the other person. Therefore knowing how to act, how
to say, when to say and what to say are what everyone dating for the first time must strive to know.
I shared a post " what is dating? The truth no one
has told you” where I disclose the different reasons why people date and more.
You may also want to check out my article “3 dangerous types of 21st-century dating ruining many lives.”
For the most part, people
date for fun, some for business purposes and others for relationship or marriage
as an end goal. Whatever reason it is, you must first understand the 2 W’s (
What to say, When to say) and the 2 H’s ( How to say, How to act) of dating
before you can go on a date with a great deal of confidence.
1.
WHAT TO SAY
There are a whole
lot of things you can say when you go out on a date which for the most part,
depends on the type of dating relationship you are into. Start by learning the 10 critical questions you should never skip on a first date.
If you are dating
for marriage which is where this post is focused, you might want to start
discussing topics that have to do with individual backgrounds, values, religion,
purpose, ambitions, goals and education.
Talking about all
these and even more will give you a glimpse of how a person thinks, his values
and his intelligent quotient. We know wise people by what they say.
Understand that at this point, you do not know if a person’s intentions align with yours. that is why you must channel your discussions in these directions if you must find out facts. If a person has different motives, you can easily find out by how quickly they keep deviating from proper conversational topics as those listed above. They'll rather be open to discuss romance, sex, virginity, sex positions, clubbing, partying and the likes.
The
moment you realize things like this, keep away from such people. They are not
ready for any serious relationship or marriage. It is only logical that people
whose intention is to date for fun alone will never want to discuss future
expectations. They probably would take the whole day discussing things that are
irrelevant, or even get you drunk until you are hypnotized and used.
2.
WHEN TO SAY
In dating,
especially on the first date, certain
things are better left unsaid. Don't go into dating opening your mouth wide to
vomit everything. No one has the right to know everything about you until you
can trust them. It is therefore advisable to have certain sensitive discussions
only as things begin to get serious. So, know when to say certain things and when not to.
It is also
important to note that it is not everything you say in a relationship, whether
marriage, dating or any kind. Matters that have no connection with long-term
goals and may not affect your relationship in the future may not be discussed. For
instance, it makes no sense telling your date how many abortions you've
committed when you know your womb is still intact or saying you once had HIV
when in fact, you've been healed.
When you revealed
deep things like this especially at the beginning phase of your dating
relationship, immature people who are judgmental and lack understanding will
begin to define you by what you said. Be therefore sensitive and know what to
say as you go on a date.
3.
HOW TO SAY
Men and women talk
differently and this is because they understand differently and process
information differently.
Women, due to their
strong emotional orientation tend to be too forward and sparingly logical as
opposed to men. Women generally talk softly but spill out great volume, while
men, for the most part, talk less but sharply and authoritatively.
When you go out on
a date, the right way to talk is to talk less like a man and gently like a
woman. There is no need to be too authoritative and controlling like a man and
too verbose like a woman. People generally don’t like such people.
Also, as a man, don’t
make the mistake of being too forward even if your intentions are good. The woman
may misunderstand you. Most men, for instance, make the
mistake of promising heaven and earth to a lady they're meeting for the first
time. They say things like " wow, you are all I desire in a woman. You are
so beautiful. I love you so much." No woman is going to take you seriously
if you talk like this especially on a first date. Women are very sensitive and observant. They know who is
serious and who is out to deceive them.
Two people who are
dating for the first time must talk genuinely and don't have to be deceptive.
They should be able
to show dissatisfaction when a date misbehaves even on the first date as the
main purpose for dating is to truly know each
other.
A quick example. On my second date with a certain lady, I pointed a part of her body she
has been careless about. She felt ashamed initially but as time went on she
appreciated my bluntness and changed in that area. That's what dating is. The
ability to assist each other become a better version of themselves before they
met you. And it doesn't matter if things work out or not.
4.
HOW TO ACT.
One thing I have come to notice about going on a date is that sometimes what to say and how to say it is not as important as how to act it. This is where many dating folks miss it.
A lot of young girls and boys, teenagers, men and women alike
experience daily disappointments whenever they go on a date because they act in a way
that is antithetic to how people who have marriage in view should act.
People have
substituted genuineness with pretense all in the endless attempt to impress
their dates. When this is done, the overall essence of dating is compromised.
People dating, must
have genuine willingness to be as open as possible and act their true self.
Don't go out on a date expecting the man to open
the car doors for you and when you get to the restaurant, you expect him to
pull out the seat for you to seat, when in fact, you don't even have a bicycle or a good seat at home.
You may not know this,
but Fake lifestyle is one of the first things that gets pointed out in ones
character so don't be too comfortable if all you do is act differently from who
you truly are.
Pretending to be
who you are not is robbing yourself the opportunity to be who you should be,
which probably is the actual set of characters the person you are dating truly
desires.
As you go a date next time, try out all you've learned here today and thank me later.
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